Confession of a Romantic

For some reason, there is one thing that is bothering me right now. I don't intend to sound cryptic or mysterious in this entry. I just want to write how I feel right now. And I would like anyone reading this to bear with me for I am truly not aware of why I am thinking of such thoughts. I've been pondering about love. A universal question for most. A fleeting ethereal feeling. A fallacy to many.

What is it?
How can I define it?
Is there any concrete criteria as to its nature?
How will I know if the one I like likes me back?

I really don't know. As much as I wish to know it, it doesn't reveal itself as accurately as I wish it to. Never felt more of a fool, a dumb, a stupid person. Its like the mind could find no other thought, and that any other thought is influenced by that one thought. Like in religion, where one ideally lifts up all one's actions and thoughts and being to God, I lift up all my deeds and ideas and experiences to him, who does not know, him, who I don't know whether he likes me back or not. There is more guarantee in the love of God but why do I seek him more than I do my Lord? I hate being enslaved to such a dilema and yet I can't find, at the moment any effective remedy to dispel what ails me now.

I wish he'd tell me straight out, whether he likes me or not. Such frustration is mind-numbing. Such wait is time-wasting. But all is still worth it, as a lesson learned. All is still worth it, because all is spent on him. I am pathetic at this point. I know.

And in the process of self-critisizing, I've begun to comprehend that the truest, purest and perhaps most accepted form of love is represented and could only be constituted upon matrimony. For you see, love involves a complete surrender of the self, unquestioned trust in lifting all that you are, emotionally, spiritually and physically into the hands of the one you are to wed. It is a total self-giving, an act of selflessness that some fail to understand or recognize while they agree with the use of two of the most grave words they may speak in their entire lives, "I do." It has nothing to do with company or wealth, but of service. It is the willingness to serve one another, to bear each other's burden, the willingness to give, without hope of ever receiving. It is no easy task and yet one, people have taken for granted, blinded by lust, materialism, anger, avarice; sins that confuse the true meaning and essence of the sacrament. And so to marry as to think of pleasure or personal dreams and goals are but a fallacy for these are merely rewards that may or may not be received upon completion of service, adn question be, can service, true service ever possibly find an end? Marriage, an vow dissolved only upon death, but still should love in its truest and purest sense remain in heart, unconditional service would undoubtly prevail.