The Parent-Child Gap Explained..?

I have often pondered why so many parents do not seem to understand the situations their children are in. We, youngsters, after being turned down so many times would often be mumbling to our parents, "Parang di ka naging bata.. (It is as if you were never young..)"

I had tried to take some time to reflect why situations seem to become exceedingly different to our parents when our parents became parents. I would like to believe that in their own minds, they have desired to be wonderful, caring people who are capable of providing all their family's needs and wants, as well as being able to raise good, well mannered and discipled children who will be distinguished and acknowledged favorably by the society. They have also perhaps dremt in their youth of avoiding the harshness their parents have treated them, to give their children some space perhaps to grow as individuals. Perhaps they thought that they have finally created an effective formula/theory that would aid them in becoming well-loved but firm parents. Why then are we, their offsprings, so hostile and rebellious to them now? Why do we complain that they don't understand? Why don't they seem to understand at all?

And I guess I ended up creating an analogy that parenthood is similar to being in and out of a love relationship.

For one who has never been in a love relationship, they can only understand it in their minds. They can create theories and beliefs which would flow entirely the way they want them to flow. But for those who are already within one, the situation would be an absolutely different paradigm and all those theories that were once made would be tested, and others might even be forgotten (intentionally and unintentionally). We cannot see our faults when we are in one, and we would at times have to rely on other's judgements to understand that we are committing exactly the same faults we vowed not to commit when we were outside the said relationship.

And thus perhaps is the situation of a parent and his child. We cannot really blame them for their fault, for forgetting what it is like to be young and carefree because maybe they didn't intend to be this way. Perhaps their only motive for doing what they do is to choose the best option that they, at that particular moment, believe to be the best alternative for their child. I don't believe any sane parent would want to cause the downfall of their child (intentionally). And thus, perhaps this answers the question why do parents have to buy all those how to parent books, because sometimes how we understand things can never be good enough, nor effective enought, or just simply be enough. There is no effective formula, there is no perfect theory, there is only love.