I am not Artistic, I am just Impulsive

Yesterday, during our LEAP class (Scrapbook making), I was shocked at how many tools the art would require. Truly, fixing a scrapbook is an investment - and I thought all that I needed was just scraps! I completed a scrapbook about my high school life when I was in my fourth year high, and I thought that it already bore the idea of scrapbooking. It had everything I want to remember. On the contrary, the art of scrapbooking dictates the use of select photographs, acid-free materials (as for the photographs not to yellow over time), careful designs and much thought - now who would have thought of that. After the speaker's discussion, we were given some cardboards and wraping papers to begin making a scrapbook page.

My friend, who accompanied me, took a yellow green cardboard and a yellow wrapping paper with pictures of limes. I, on the other hand, took a violet cardboard and a rather multi-colored wrapping paper with heart and curly waves design. My friend managed to capture the attention of the speaker because of the innovation she implemented for her page - she cut the limes and made it the theme of her page. On the other hand, I felt mine was more neutral, the typical scrapbook page teenagers would think of making. As I progressed in making my page, I realized how contrasting and empty it seems despite the many accessories I have included. It felt like the page was divided into two different worlds, serving the same purpose, wanting to meet, but can't - duality, perhaps my thoughts are beginning to find reflection in my works.

A girl from my right commented, "I can't do this, I am not artistic". I don't think that being artistic is actually the reason though. I whispered to my friend, "I am not artistic, I am just impulsive" - I work with spur of the moment thoughts, ideas which hit me right there and then, and I dare to experiment with them (cutting the cardboards, gluing the papers, etc.) even when in my head I still can't picture the finished product. I rarely work with themes, and when I do, I tend to deviate them at some point. My only defense to my spontaneity - If this scrapbook is supposed to be a memento of times which I'd like to remember, and I'd like to be remembered, then it will be designed the way I want it, in accordance to my taste and not to anyone else's. What do I need the professional look for if I cannot enjoy the freedom of creating the world I want to be in? I don't believe that conformity to the ideal, pretty, professional look would allow future generations to see the person that I am - which scrapbooking is supposed to relate to them.

I am not the constant focused, obsessive-compulsive that people often associate to success.

I am an extremist though. I either am too sloppy or too meticulous, too ecstatic or too depressed, too lazy or too hardworking. I never find balance.