Trying On New Shoes

*This is my reaction paper regarding one of our activities in our Genders class called Gender Role Violation wherein we are expected to act a little differently from our normal behaviors. I took note of two of our professors tasks for females which are:

(1)"Go an entire week without wearing makeup, not even lip gloss OR if you are used to baring it all, then you have to wear makeup for a week" and

(2)"Overcoming the "disease to please": Learn to say "no" with courage and grace to the demands of other people on you (To help you set your personal boundaries and determine your true priorities). Please do not use this exercise as your main reason/excuse for saying no. Say no because you cannot or do not want to do what is being asked of you."...

This is what I felt, how I was reacted to and my perspective regarding femininty, culture and the like.

Amongst my high school sphere of friends, I am the only one who is completely ignorant of the proper use of make-ups, night-out fashions and flashy accessories. I would often attend my classes in loose boyish shirts, loose fitting pants, a pair of trusty rubber shoes and a good worn out backpack – with my hair either poorly combed or pony tailed. Although I do have occasional deviations from my usual fashion statement, I’d often stick to the concept of comfort before style.

A couple of Saturdays ago, intending to go clubbing with my group, my girlfriends seemed very pleased when I asked their help to doll me up by choosing my clothing combinations and its appropriate jewelries. In truth, my friends have little to say about my sudden interest in “looking good”, although they did give a couple of hoots once in a while.

To be completely honest, being prepped up kept me on edge for most of the adventure since I had to constantly take a peep at the mirror if my lipstick is fading, or if my cheeks are beginning to pale up. It didn’t feel me at all, I felt restricted into fulfilling the role of a Barbie doll.

Needing to wear make-up for the remainder of the week, even just the cinnamon red lipstick, did give rise to a couple of queries from close friends, while the rest, thankfully kept mum – or perhaps they are aware how much it annoys me whenever people make mountains out of insignificant molehills.

Similarly, I couldn’t keep up with the pressure of having to do retouches regarding my facial colors. Most of the time, I’d apply the lipstick before I depart from our house and forget all about how I’d appear for the rest of the day.

In my opinion, the myth that women should be constantly in a beauty pageant demeanor is appalling, since even the most civilized woman has an untamed edge (id) within her which she needs to permit a few tantrums, because keeping it constantly in check (superego), may result in more devastating psychological complications. My point simply is, when women go out into the social world, she is not expected to be always stiff with all the rules of society, what matters is that she enjoys the dynamism of her sexuality at the same time balancing it with propriety and discipline. My definition of discipline being, that she should be capable of defining her limitations before going on an all-out frenzy.

Knowing that there is a thin line between being liberal and being just plain stupid, I believe, given our current mindset, women are capable of being expressive of their thoughts and opinions – thus meaning in both verbal communication and their actions.

I have my fair share of “saying no” to suggestions I find faulty – although such a case cannot hold true when it comes to dealing with parents. There may be occasional undesirable remarks from others regarding my outgoing perspectives regarding sex and rebellion, but despite those split-second shocks, most of my male peers (and females) respect me for my ability to give voice to my thoughts – and that is perhaps the new evolution of thought in our maturing generation.

Considering my conservative Christian family background, coupled by education in a traditional Chinese institution, I have to put into consideration that I was also taught by my parents that I am capable of exercising my rights as a free citizen of the country as long as I am willing to face the consequences that are attached with my choice. I believe that the wisdom that such a situation allowed me to explore is -the ability to seek the balance between free expression and propriety, which would somehow keep me in the right track.