Two Weddings and A Bachelorette

I will love you forever, until the last of my breath.
(Oh yeah, sure.. who actually believes that crap?)

It is not that I am bitter, but does love really last a lifetime? A friend of mine answered that question for me when I began doubting the ability of man to actually stick to a decent one man-one woman relationship, "How long does a guy's feelings last? Depends on how he feels.. If he truly loves u, its gonna last til his last breath". How comforting!

And yet, I still remain stubborn to the idea that feelings are inconsistent and easily wavered by the passage of time. The "perfection" of your precious beloved would eventually fade into the form of reality that one doesn't want to take responsibility for. People change; and in my opinion, it is in the state of initial ecstasy extractable from the symptoms of love (shallow perhaps), that people tend to discard or underestimate the potential poison of change. (Thinking, I'd cope. I love him enough to sacrifice, I won’t mind, etc. - bullsh*t!)

I've been told, in courtship, the girl walks ahead of the guy; when they become an item, they would walk side by side, eventually when married, the guy walks ahead while the girl follows. The comparison of gait to one's relationship seems significant not only in its literal sense, but also in the give and take relationship of the couple. I presume that the above statement would require no more explanations, since its been said over and over again, exhibited in many circumstances - that illustrations nor word by word clarifications would no longer seem necessary lest one is not in any manner involved in current trends as movies, reading articles and even daily conversations.

I understand that the philosophy may be quite old fashioned and outdated compared to the girl power modern generation, but does it not hold any important lesson that perhaps could have spared the many heartbreaks caused by lack of compromise? I guess the only way I'd answer the question is - I married (allowed him to take over my life - heck I left my family for the guy) the m*ther f*cker, so I got to live with it. Like a course you take in college, I would dare remain loyal to the chosen course despite many temptations to shift to other easier and less expensive subjects for two reasons - (1) I am willing to take responsibility for my choice, (2) Fickleness is not a flattering attribute, being able to take a stand and have a conviction seems to be more fulfilling as well as more directional compared to unsure searching for the ideal course, which could take forever - waste of time and money.(Remember, duality - pros and cons always exist).

--------------------------------

I attended two wedding banquets today and had to say that it was quite an experience to be out of the house the whole day to dine with groups of people you don't even know. (Darn, I think I had enough Chinese food to last me a month! - the two weddings have more or less the same line up in terms of their menu) Not to mention, sharing a couple's special day when in your opinion, the day holds no other special-ness other than the fact that you are actually wearing make-up and crimp free clothings, trying to act cultured and respectable while other people, even in their most formal attires, could be so unrespectable.

I wonder though if the bride and groom would actually consider the day to be truly special. I cannot help but remember my feelings when I was going up the stage for my fourth year graduation. Although for many it was a memorable experience, I did not find anything memorable about the occasion aside from the formality of actually being sent out of the school I've known for heck, over 12 years of my life. I spent the whole ceremony thinking to myself, "Is this the time when I should feel the blow of special-ness overwhelm me?" and the answer evidently was no. I did not find my eighteenth birthday to bear any outstanding recollections, other than the fact that I am another year older than I was a year before. I don't recall my first day in the university to be a handful, or extravagantly unique from every other day, feels just like going to an unfamiliar terrain and asking for directions as to how to get here and there.

People write about their first experiences to be their among their most unforgettable incidents - first day in college, first boyfriend, first kiss, first whatevers - and yet are these occasions truly special or is it because it has been used far too often that people illusion them to be laden with exceptional events. Now, I ask, do the brides and grooms actually feel that the day is special?

I would like to think they find it tiring, and I'm not talking about the wedding night. Consider the stress involved that everybody is actually watching you for the entire day. A camera is stuck on your face, following you around like a stalker which you acknowledge and pretend to ignore. In addition, the couple would also have to worry at the back of their heads, if the guests are really enjoying themselves, making a connection with their supposed special day. Among other concerns, they would also be wary of potential problems that may occur during the reception, as well as after (who wouldn't be pessimistic - the wedding night, in my opinion, seems to be among the scariest experiences a person could possibly encounter).

While watching the itinerary of the event go fluidly, there are some chances wherein the crowd gets a bit malicious (but in my perspective, they're either being really immature or they're just releasing some pent up sexual impulses) and begins tapping their glasses, demanding a kiss from the exhausted although still smiling couple. Being forced to kiss, not to mention, in front of an anxious crowd, isn't exactly the most efficient way of showing how much you love your significant other, although it seems to please and entertain the audience - just like a kilig moment in a feel good chic flick.

Seeing the poor couple comply, I could only sympathize (I'm just guessing here as to how they feel) and feel their embarrassment at the awkwardness of the situation - I mean kiss in front of your overexcited parents and your seemingly interested relatives is a really creepy moment don't you think? In addition, having a nosy camera shoot the whole sequence, and a perverted host who keeps asking, "Show us what your daddy taught you!"

Now I am asking myself, do I really want to get married?
The expenses, the trouble, the pains.
And we're not yet exploring the pregnancy that may come after – wedding night! rings any bells?
God! Is this going to be my fate too? – I'm actually traumatized!
Hah, childhood fantasies, what a bunch of crap when faced with reality.