Life is Unfair

Last night I dremt of Ben, a similar dream to what I had of Jourdan a couple of weeks before. I guess its just a mental manifestation of feelings long buried in my subconcious mind, dismissed after almost a year of disuse - and yet it returns with vengence in my dreams, while I play an almost helpless role in the whole sequence of events. Sometimes I believe these dreams are testing me - these are what I'd like to baptize as "dreams of tolerance".

It's been over a month since Ben and I last spoke with each other, and still I can sense part of his bitterness towards me. He had been an extremely dear friend to me that it grieves me to find him firm in his decision to avoid me for the meantime. He contacted me a few days ago, mysteriously informed of my break-up, which surprised me a lot. With that small act, I had hoped to rekindle the lustre of friendship before and yet he denied me that pleasure for he still needs to nurse his esteem back to health. Esteem which I find to be the gap that is keeping us drifting away from each other.

He needed time and space, and although I would really appreciate his presence now in my time of despair, I believe that his decision is the best drug for the both of us at the moment. I had to take in consideration his feelings too, not only my own selfish whims - for I complained "how long does this have to go on, until we both forget that we were ever friends?", but I take comfort in his words, "I can't act what I don't feel.. but do know that you're a friend that I consider one of my greatest because I know that you genuinely care.. Acting out a farce would only bring more complications."

To Ben... If you ever get the chance to read this....

As we grow older, we learn that even that one person who's not supposed to let us down would probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and its harder everytime. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your loved one. You'll blame a new love for the things the old one did. You'll cry cause time is passing too fast and you'll eventually lose someone you love.

So take many photos, laugh like never before, love like you've never been hurt, cause every 60 seconds you spend upset, is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.