I Ask for Prayers Please

Being my friend's human map, I have to continuously enrich myself regarding the roads of Manila. One of the most puzzling locations to visit would have to be Makati. Today marks the first day I was able to successfully go to Makati riding public transportation. I visited my grandmother in Makati Medical Center. She seems well and bids me to come again to visit tomorrow. Her state seems more relaxed today despite the disturbing fact that a tube has been inserted in the middle of her nose for efficient medication. The maid who was there when they placed it informed me that it was more than arms' length long and my grandmother was such a vision of courage to endure the whole painful procedure. Everybody is asking for prayers now - her current ailment has not yet been diagnosed - the root cannot be accurately pinpointed. I cannot really relate how I felt during those times when I was with her. She asked me to stay longer, her words gurgled out now rather than spoken with clarity as before. I feel incompetent at the sight of her like this.

My dad scolded me yesterday for not going to my grandmother these past few days. I reasoned that I've been busy with my schoolwork. Apparently, that was not a good reason. I understand that it is not and that more is expected from me especially since I am the eldest - and I dare think that I am one of the favorites among my siblings and even cousins. But loving is not limited only to being always there physically, everybody has his/her own expression of his feelings - there is no specific nor specified way to love. It is selfish of me, I confess, to avoid seeing her often since I am afraid that if I become far too attached, I may get hurt in the end. I am afraid that if something happens, I may not be able to recover as easily. And yet, despite that, I went today, and will again tomorrow and as often as I can. There are just times when I show people one thing (apathy), and really mean and do another. I guess I just don't want exaggerated drama - which at times may even be more hypocritical.