Two Sided Coin

Last night, a high school acquaintance and her friends came to our house seeking the help of my mother. I was apathetic to her situation and gave her a nod and a smile of acknowledgement then left the room. Mom asked me to donate some clothes for her, explaining to me her grave problem after the visitors left. I was playing Spider Solitaire at the time and felt little sympathy for her - which angered my mother for my neutral reactions. I answered her straight "that girl used to call me names at my back. Used to say things about me. I did my share and acknowledged her presence, I guess that would be fair enough treatment."

My bitterness was genuine as far as I could remember. I did not associate myself to her and her peers, I even left the choir primarily because of their cast-off treatment of me. She acted so dominantly, that once when the choirmistress' son came up to me and began telling me stories, clinging on to me everyday for more than a week, I noticed her take action to keep the poor child away from me and cling to her. Yes, I am bitter. I am no martyr of forgiveness. And I have well enough reason to be, despite the fact that I did not return the favors she did for me, nor did I voice it out publicly to my friends. I just kept my distance, now the distance is being breached by my mother, who is so sympathetic to her case.

Okay, so its a no-laughing matter, and I understand fully. But a whole hour lecture as to what a hopeless wreck I am, and will be? Fuck that. My apathy keeps me living, thank you. I have little spirituality left in me, that if my mom even dares to push her fanaticism of faith on me again, I am sure to break. I can't take it anymore, from the daily sprinkling of holy water, to the holy salt distributed at ever crevice of our house, to the rosaries on our doorknobs. It's driving me insane. Can't I grow at my own time?

I did remedy my coldness by texting her a note of "glad-to-see-you-again" and "good-luck-to-your-endeavors". But most importantly, I had to input.. God Bless You. (I don't know if its due to sincerity or as simple hypocrisy. God help me.)