Barren, Desolate, Sterile.....
It's been a while since I came up with some wacko philosophy that I am willing to die defending; and I worry why I am experiencing this intellectual drought - how long will this emptiness remain? It feels that my current concerns all revolve around superficial matters which require little analysis and contemplation. I understand that the expanse of the world is so wide that it is impossible for me not to be able to grab a random topic and begin thinking - but somehow it is just not in me these past few weeks.
As a personal examination, I realized how much my mom stimulates me into thinking because of her stubborness in her personal beliefs. I realized that my current schedule in school has far too many time allotted for "doing nothing but wait for the next class", that I restrict myself from going out on weekday escapades often. I realized that my lack of a companion, with Ben already graduated, Jourdan doing his OJT and Marie as VP, has led me into solitude that I spend surfing online or reading books which I curiously cannot finish.
These past few weeks, I've lost focus on things - I cannot complete the books I borrow from the library no matter how much I would like to believe their profoundness. It seems that my current taste for fiction books has become so picky that I criticize writers' styles to be amateurish and pathetic - for treating their readers with such little trust as to understand the contents of the pages. (ex. Explaining explicitly the character's relationships and histories while it could easily be just implied through character conversations or actions - show, don't tell.)
At the moment, I feel completely lost in dumbness. I need to start thinking again, but there's too little "massive" conflicts occuring that I don't find myself inspired to.
Isn't the concept of Yin and Yang so inspirational? ugh...
posted by Katrina @ 09:28
9 comments
9 Comments:
Don't worry, everyone strays off the their chosen path in life from time to time and will wander aimlessly for a while feeling they have no direction. In time your world will balance back out and everything will be fine.....
u want me to help u out in getting a good schedule? in my 5 years in dlsu, i have always gotten the schedule i want, all it takes is some OC-ness, hahaha
Everyone has this phase of "being lost", I guess it is natural for life to be anarchic... Don't worry you would find your answers in due time. Take care Kat :)
to tanis - thanks so much.. mom used to tell me that things can't always go the way you want them to. sometimes there are days when you just dry up and feel completely aimless.. I really do hope everything will somehow "balance out" soon. :) *sigh...
to jourdy - haha.. you know whatever combination I make, some complaint would always arise anyway. please do help me... i am so in need of aid! darn regualar adjustments... haha
to chachoy - thanks so much.. :) i won't really call my life an anarchy, but i guess it's all...hmm.. complicated :D hehe
Here's a tip, keep your cell handy or (if you're old fashioned) a notepad and pen. If ever in your times of solitude you happen to come across an idea. Just write it down (save it in your outbox or something). That way, ideas won't just come and go like the wind, you'll be able to remind yourself and maybe write about them when you get home. That's what I do... although my problem being that I seem to have lost the urge to do some blog writing of late. If no ideas come, AT ALL... well... then... um... Bobo ka na... mwahahaha joke, with your mind, it's impossible to run out of ideas and philosophies, so don't worry.
Ben, the point I guess is that.. nothing's coming! :( Nada. Zip. It's like, when I'm debating with you, I'm thinking on the spot of the things I'm going to use for rebuttle. Now, there's little to think about since everything's going fairly smooth.
Like a songwriter who could compose so fascinatingly in times of distress compared to times of happiness... ??
awww... thanks jenn..
hugz..
ok lang yan... sometimes I think that working makes me stupider or at least lessens my capacity to create and think of ideas and stuff... - SEE!! I can't even think of good enough words right now... I really think that it's best to immerse yourself in an environment that promotes thinking... our debates were.. stimulating, but also frustrating (which, in the end, made it more challenging for me). Although there are never any winners in an argument between friends, I could say that that doesn't apply to purely intellectual discussions (yet ours is mixed with a tinge of our own faith and principles). Ah... I'm rambling on and on and on.... ah well... it happens if you go on overtime till midnight... hyper na kami sa bangag!
hahhaa...
I miss you ben.. :)
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