I Just Want...

I'm getting sick of lecherous old professors who can't think of any better examples for their lessons than girl-boy relationships with occasional sexual connotations. I'm getting tired hearing them crack really uninspired green jokes which requires a second of thought before we could remember to laugh. (Since 1991 up to the present, there was never a woman who was ever pronounced insolvent. Why is that? Because women have assets. Right.)

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This afternoon, Christel and I and a couple of guy friends ate lunch together. We were discussing about our current relationships and how sometimes our expectations don't seem to be met. Men are stupid about these kinds of things, I would often hear. (I guess, its also because women devote their time reading or watching all these romantic, mushy love stories; while men read or watch wrestling and basketball.. - Jourdy, don't laugh.) They need to be directed step-by-step as to how to behave and act as the desirable Prince Charming who'd sweep you off your feet and ride with you on a white steed into the sunset.

If that is so, then wouldn't the be the same as dictating everything your way - where can they express their genuine creativity and effort in trying to please you? If I had to give him a precise manual as to what I want, I wouldn't want those things anymore because I have already voiced it out. At the same time, telling the guy exactly what is to be done does make him less of a man and more of a dog which you order what to do, or a robot which you remote control to serve your needs.

It's so difficult to articulate exactly what I want to be done for me, and although I try to keep my expectations low, I have to admit that there are circumstances when I feel dreadfully disappointed. There are friends who'd at times even make me feel worse by effectively debating the reasons I had in his defense. There are times when I doubt his true sincerity towards me because all I have at the moment are words and empty promises. I don't know how long I could last this way, but I'm holding on to every strand of hope that I could find within me to convince myself that my pessimistic thoughts are mere illusions of a lovesick girl. I just want to feel special..