No Kids Allowed

I am beginning to have a trauma regarding raising children of my own. I understand that I am still young at this point, and thus do not have to surrender myself to such a tremendous responsibility (and I would like to give great stress that I have no intention of copulating in the near future), and equally I am very much aware that I am not mature enough to fully comprehend the whole "I-want-to-have-kids" scenario. Although as a child, it is most likely I've dremt of bearing offsprings, now that I am facing reality, I realize what a headache they could be.

First is the endless ball of energy one child could project. Yesterday, in our outreach, we were to sponsor a child around the zoo. The facilitators arranged an "Amazing Race" to take place and thus required us to be running. Had I known, I would've worn a more running-friendly pair of shoes and have worn a good sports bra. The kids, my partner and I, were made to care of were two rambunctious little boys. One was stubborn and hard headed while the other was relatively understanding. The hard headed one doesn't wait for us, threw a rock at the peacock's open vanity fan, kept complaining of being thirsty and hungry and everything else, had an attention disorder and has a really foul mouth. It was one of the few instances where I ended up sounding like my mother.. I was shouting at him, reprimanding him and all sorts of things. At one point, the two boys begged us to take them rowing - and honestly, I had no plans of getting wet since I have a meeting in the afternoon, not to mention that the water was painfully dirty, murky and.. downright.. gross. Since the other children from other groups were interested in the rowing affair, we were forced to concede to their whims. The two were fighting over the paddles, demanding that they want to ride the boat by themselves (but my partner and I didn't allow that and fortunately, we didn't since none of them knew how to paddle and were cursing each other in less than 10 minutes), quarreling where to go, shouting ang picking fights with other boats that hit ours. A complete headache, never been so glad that the socio-civic activity was over.

Second reason simply is the fact that everyday, I'd hear our neighbors (my uncle and aunt) play "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", "C is for Cookie" and all sorts of degrading children songs that it makes me panic. If I'd have a kid, do I really have to go back to repetitious nursery rhymes - on second thought, they have historical inspirations which may make them not so bad.. But the fact that I would have to stoop back to a kindergarten state of mind and build myself up again is.. scary. Why can't I just give birth to a kid who'd absorb all my knowledge while he's in my womb?

Okay, I've heard so often that what you wish for so dearly is not what you'd get in return. One of my uncles wanted an intelligent and rational daughter, and he ended getting a flirty little angel. A test of patience. Am I really up to that sort of risk? I have really high expectations and I feel that if I am going to take part of this whole parenting affair, I might as well have strangled my kids with a rope.

Oh well.. back to regular programming.. I'm 19, single and happy.