Just a Little Esteem Bash

This is one of my dearest friends, Christel. Yes, she is a model. I never believed that one day it would come to this, that I would actually admit envying her for her beauty and charms.

I was running my friendster account when I saw hers, and it struck me.. damn, models have all the luck to get all dressed up in outlandish and out of the world costumes, get to act and pose in all sorts of unnatural manners and still look aesthetically pleasing without compromising their integrity as a person.
I am not saying that they have an easy job though, but sometimes it goes all the way to my envy bone - hits me real hard and tells me.. why can't you be like that, and I'd have to admit to myself that I am not as pretty as the standard imposes, I am not as charming nor as "thin" that would suit the tastes of designers. I am simply myself and that is all I could truly be proud of. (and yet, I envy her getting all dressed up.. I want to get all dressed up as well and act all weird and get my pictures plastered everywhere - as well as the fact that boys have been crazy about her since elementary and I couldn't even get anyone to like me as much until late college..)

I understand that this self esteem bash is completely elementary and typical, quite immature to a certain degree for why do I need to recreate myself or batter myself into becoming something I am not and most likely cannot become. Why cannot I appreciate myself wholly as most people say we should.. on the other hand, isn't it possible that whoever created the "be happy for who you are" is trying to compensate for his own insecurities as well? I am torn in between two beliefs, pivoting between them. The "why-can't-i" and the "be-happy-for-who-you-are", I believe these are day-to-day circumstances everybody experiences and needs to deal with.. but there's nothing wrong in dreaming and hoping... right?