Better Gluttony than Purgatory

Quoting the title from my brother, I have been eating to my heart's content (more, really). The previous days, we've been eating out - breakfast, lunch and dinner - and I realized that I'm going to puke any second now from gluttony. My brother, an advocate of thrift and frugality and weird practicality, kept telling me to help him finish off the remaining viands. We would even compete how many glasses of bottomless iced teas we could finish. I believe that the culprit as to why I feel stuffed so easily is because of our competitive intake of liquids. Funny, that we get full almost at the same time, and yet we still continue consuming the food until none would be left to be packed.

My evil brothers are now making fun of me that as of now, my body figure resembles a capital letter "P", when I get older and pregnant, I'm going to end up as a capital "B". Heck, the thought often sends shivers up my spine, while it keeps my mother and relatives amused at their wit. I call my other brother a living "O" because of his repulsive belly and the other a letter "C" because of his "hunchbacked" posture. We labeled our youngest, my sister, a small letter "b" also because of her pertruding belly. My bro kept saying that when she gets older she's also going to be a letter "B", although my mom says the upper curve would be smaller than the lower curve. It's funny, to be compared - to a letter.

Today, I've walked the cementary rather than diligently help out my relatives prepare for the annual offerings like a good girl should. In totality, the day could be considered interesting that, like the cementary grounds, the streets are so conjested in particular close-to-the-cementery areas while others have barely a car or two cruising down the pavement. Although it is not as quiet as I want it to be, I enjoyed the adventure. I was really musing on the thought of getting lost in the cementary grounds, unfortunately though, my friend (who I picked up for company) didn't seemed amused with the idea and decided to keep to the safe road (especially since he admits that he doesn't know his way around the premises - heck neither did I when I first tried to walk the cementary maze).

This Friday, there will be a Les Miserables audition, and I am dying to try out. My cousin, a multi-awarded singer will also be applying. I don't know if I could really pass though - constant rejection could surely shake my confidence, and getting rejected is something which I've not only been constantly (if not consistently) exposed to, I am rather well acquainted with the feeling of non-acceptance. My talents never seem to surpass normalcy - it could only be considered at a "nothing special" caliber that I end up being capable of doing many things at a mediocre level ( I can draw somehow, I can sing, I can write, I can play (not the correct term) the piano, I can philosophize, I can cook - but none done in any "praise her, she's a goddess" manner). I would really like to excel in one particular feat, unfortunately I don't seem to have all that dedication or time or money to pursue anything worthwhile. Am I supposed to get stuck at this stage of stagnancy and unprofessionalism? I know this won't bring me success, and yet I still don't seem to know how the heck am I supposed to remedy my problem, especially due to its intangible and poorly manifested nature. I need help.

My brother's been going to a psychiatrist whom which my mom pays a weekly fee of 800 bucks. My mom used to tell me that I would need to go to one too, but I simply replied that I would surely contradict the doctor regarding everything - that it would be senseless and an absolute waste of money (thank God, my mom agreed with me on this). I don't think I need psychological help, although many think I do - I just need someone to talk to and share ideas with - someone who won't be too repulsed with what I think, and would in fact be so kind as to extend the conversation topics into fields of unexplored ideas or extremely wacko stuffs.

Also, okay, so I also do enjoy intellectual debates. As much as possible, I do not wish to accept ideas at face value, but rather question why such is so - one thing which my mom finds both appealing and appalling. I could spend the whole day debating or philosophizing that she tells me that I drain her - I wonder how I'd find a partner in life with a personality like mine. On second thought, accept me as I am right?