Mirror, Mirror On The Wall

Last night, I attended a leadership seminar (organized by our organization) with the acclaimed journalist, Wilson Lee Flores, as the speaker. He is my aunt's good peer, when they were in their elementary or high school years in Grace Christian High. My aunt used to tell me that he was among the "inaapi" - and look where he is right now.

During the discussion, he mentioned an incident about his nephew wherein the boy declined his classmates' nomination of him as vice president. This matter was taken seriously by the uncle who kept saying that the worst thing to do is to not try. I was in fact slapped by this thought for I forwent many appealing opportunities because I was either ashamed to be confident.

A few days earlier, my grandfather was inviting me to be a candidate for Miss Chinatown. It seemed so outrageous that I had to ask him twice if he was really serious. Apparently, he was. He mentioned that if any "make-overs" or trainings were necessary, he would be willing to fund it for me. I was shocked, obviously, by his persistence on the matter. He mentioned that he also has many peers among the judges (that didn't sound good).

I replied that compared to the typical Chinese female, my body type is big boned and therefore has more round-ness rather than "stick"-ness to it. Also the thought of publicly strutting in a bathing suit would definitely give me a heart attack (not that I am a likely candidate) - in addition, to wear a bathing suit really confidently, I can't help thinking of a bikini wax. I also mentioned that my legs were like two tree stumps, big and fat, unlike the slim "Tina Turner"-ish legs my grandmother flaunts in her earlier years. I happen to have inherited my "fats" from my mother's gene pool.

My grandfather said no more except that if I didn't want, there is no sense in him forcing me. I was saddened though for I don't really think that I am ugly. It's not that I am not really confident about my looks; I have won a beauty contest (children) in our Barangay when I was younger, had a reasonable number of past suitors and a good bunch of relatives who seem sincere in telling me that I don't look half bad. I mean, my skintone is lighter and at times more fair compared to many chinese girls because of my Spanish decent. It is neither the muddy yellow nor the pure pearl white, but a combination of the two leaning more on the latter. My figure, more specifically the first and last of the usual v. stats are gained also from that decent, although I would like to believe the whole package is very European. My only problem would perhaps be my nose and the heart-circular shape of my face which makes me look more fat that than I really am.

I guess I should be content with the way I look like though. Media could really corrupt the way people perceive each other. Darn. Now, what?

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Played poker last night in Gretch's house and as a whole, I could just as well be addicted to it.