Saturday, December 24, 2005

Wayta Go Dad!

9 more hours and still counting....


This morning, dad brought the family to SM Centerpoint for some late Christmas shopping, also to settle my long overdue account with Sun Cellular. My postpaid account has been immobile for over five months now, accumulating a debt of over two thousand pesos. Dad has finally decided to terminate the said relationship with the network by paying the due balance. While communicating with the personnel our intentions, we were told that since today is a holiday the law firm (who was supposed to compute the bill) is closed. When informed of this predicament, my dad immediately fired up and begun discussing with the teller issues which I then had been both naive and mum to be aware of then.

(A reenactment, but not specifically the same words)
Dad: We are paying today. This is the due date and this is the billing price, what is the problem?
Teller: We have to wait for the law firm to compute for the correct price. 30 percent. Since today's a holiday the firm is closed.
Dad: So you are refusing our money? You want us to inconvenience us.. come back on another time to settle this debt while we are already here paying you the amount you stated on the billing statement.
Teller: Sir, we are really sorry but the law firm is closed today, if you want, (hands my dad a piece of paper with numbers on it) you could call them up on Monday.
Dad: No, we are already here. We did not receive any telephone calls or letters from your law firm, I didn't even hear anything about these monkeys until today. I am not paying thirty percent for something which didn't even materialize, and which I am not amicable to pay. If I send this money via bank, it would still be the same banana. If you don't want to receive this money, I want you to write me a letter informing me that you do not wish to accept the money I am giving you right now.
(Teller refuses, dad slams the billing statement on the table)
Dad: You billed me this amount, and that's what I am paying. If you don't want to receive this, I want to talk to your manager.

Manager comes, dad argues, manager gets the payment, we leave. Dad kept repeating how "kap-siao" the teller was and I had nothing to do but nod. I was shocked really. My dad never raises his voice on us like that nor does he slam things in front of us - but what matters is, he got the upper hand in the battle and he knows how to take charge. He explained later on how the signed letter of refusal would be a grave evidence against the network should the court trial be pushed through. That's my dad, such foresight in arguments.


After that episode, dad brought me around the mall while my mom and other siblings were cruising the toy section. My mom had been insistent that my dad has already forgotten her value and thus would not give her any gifts this Christmas, as he had failed to do so in the past events as Valentine's Day, her birthday.. Oh well, guess she's up for a surprise. My dad already had something in mind, but was open to the potential options I came up with. In our search, he still got what he wanted - a bracelet watch. Mom likes his taste for watches and shoes, so I have a pretty good idea that she'll like what he got her. My job though is to wrap it and keep it away from her sight until Christmas night. Seems like an easy enough job..

Friday, December 23, 2005

I'm Not Myself Today

Its a day and a few more hours prior to Christmas Eve - the birth of Immanuel, Jesus Christ, the Savior of mankind.


I'm not myself today - one of the easiest excuses in the book, and yet often taken as a valid reason when one does something humiliating or unacceptable. Today, I am taking up that same excuse to cover up for some of the major mishaps I've been committing throughout the day. I am fully aware though of the potential cause of my inattention, and yet best take sanctuary in the vague explanation of - I'm not myself today.

I accidentaly broke one of our ceramic bowls a few minutes ago, without the slightest idea how or why conciously I had become so careless in handling the fragile object. Subconciously though is another argument; I would like to believe in Freud's explicit demonstrations of how repressed thoughts come back to haunt one in ways that only surprise them in their least expected moments. Last night, I had encountered a troubling revelation which I had tried to push in the back of my head. The source of my anxiety is shamefully of my own doing and thus the thought plagued me in the last moments before slumber, as well as occassional blows throughout the day. I have lost my appetite for food, and haven't eaten anything since last night. My brain repulses any thought that proposes edible consumption. I am not myself today, but I pray that somehow I could rationalize with myself in order to overcome this ordeal.


For the past few days, I've been watching and rewatching Tim Burton's Nightmare Before Christmas. If only I could be another horrific character in his head, perhaps I could find my niche or true place there. The world is seems so limited to tangibility that others try to find loopholes in order to create a new meaning to "real". My reality perhaps lies in the realm of thoughts and dreams, and that perhaps is where I dare wish to belong - not as a human physical entity but a conceptual representation of how a person would like to perceive me - thus I am everybody as everybody is their own being. I wonder if I am making any sense, but to be malleable to another's ideals at the moment seems exquisitely supreme. In short, I haven't reached the highest point of contentment, and quite contrary, I am rejecting myself and most of what I represent. I wish I could exist as a thought in a made up realm where I am most pleasurable to one, than exist physically with so called free will but in blindness and uncertainty.

Thursday, December 22, 2005

Warning: Long Entry Ahead

3 days before Santa Clause Jr. realizes the true meaning of Christmas


Damn, I should eat my words. For the past two weeks, I've used up a total of over 3 thousand pesos over unpremeditated merchandise. I am not an impulsive consumer and I don't have any firm decisions to start now. In my opinion though, I could somehow justify my spending spree - 800 for a silk sarong with Thai designs, 320 for a striking pair of everyday heels, 900 for my first two piece bathing suit ever since my body has matured into this monstrous bulk, and the rest for books and Christmas gifts. My mother though begins to doubt my self-"control" in my expenditures, repeating that I am an extremely voracious buyer. Perhaps I have gluttonous eyes, which drinks in almost everything I see, but my wallet - more specifically the money in it - is not as free flowing to begin with and thus, as my grandmother has often lectured me - "spend on things which are (a) food or (b) uncommon" and (c) - from my Econtwo prof - books!


December 20, 2005 - Belated Happy 19th Birthday Marjorie!

Last Saturday, our long planned surprise has finally became a reality.

The plan
- buy a cake
- whole group goes to Marj's house with the candles already lit. SURPRISE.. sing sing sing...
- treat her to a night of relaxation at Ace Water Spa in Del Monte Street

Ace Water Spa was the perfect location for all of us, actually. All those who attended the said surprise gave me two thumbs up for my selection. What does it have? For 480 buckeroos, free lockers, use of the shower and dressing rooms with complementary shampoo and soaps and of course - access to the pools, the sauna and steam room. We particulary enjoyed the herbal hot pools, and dreaded the ice cold water plunge that awaited after each "hot pool" episode. After four hours, we were really "pooped" - running around in our bathing suits and getting massages here and there - whew! I intend on going back there again! Worth it, worth it, worth it.


Christmas is a season trailed with a string of parties - God bless those generous superiors with a 13 month pay at their dispense.


A replica (information unsure) of the famous Jumbo restaurant in Hongkong could be found here in the Philippines positioned somewhere within the more interior areas of the CCP vicinity. It is docked a few feet away from Gloria Maris Roxas Blvd. My grandfather invited me to dine with him and his athletic association there.

The ambiance is extraordinary. Beautifully crafted furnitures, the interiors are divinely Chinese - a great emphasis on details. It is three floors high, with many Cathay artistries positioned strategically throughout the whole boat. Ambiance gets a 10/10 score from me. Food quality though does not. Even when we were served by the Four Top Chefs of the said restaurant, the food still remained of average standards. Gloria Maris Roxas delicacies are far better. Sound system is relatively good, although be warned that the mic for karaoke singing cannot be adjusted to suit one's pitch.



A cafe located near the ABS-CBN compound somewhere Scout Esguerra Street - the ambiance this afternoon was effective. Quiet. My mom and I had the whole place to ourselves.

As always, she's the coffee drinker while I prefer my tea. Her drink came in a large glass which took her almost ten minutes of concentration to complete consuming. On the other hand, my pot of Strawberry Banana tea took me a longer while to finish. The tea was quite strong as the pot empties. The food is so-so, nothing outstanding and yet nothing regretful. Price ranges from 80 pesos to 300. Overall impression - its a good place to chat.



Found in Xavierville Avenue, Loyola Heights QC - Cordillera Coffee is a restaurant headed by an altruistic couple, Frank and Mary Grace Young, who are advocates in aiding the needs of the Filipino Cordillera Farmers. A cause which my mom and her friends support by donating to the farmers a monthly stipend of 500 pesos for the preservation of their culture, as well as funding for their occupational needs.

Cordillera Coffee is a small cozy cafe which serves superb Filipino cuisine - the proceeds are said to used also for the alleviation of the farmers' current conditions.

The Chocolate Cake is a must try, not to mention a very healthy alternative - or so they say! The All Day Breakfast meals comes with red rice, which is found to be also healthy for the body. The scrambled egg has an interesting twist to it. A should try! Pancit was a hands down for my tastebuds, being the non-pancit eating person, I enjoyed my plate.

Once again, my mom had coffee, while I had my pot of tea. Tea was good, especially when pure honey is added. The tea is said to be one of their more recent discoveries and is of "our" own. Like the coffee, it will be packaged for public distribution and will be released by January of 2006. Food prices marks from 80 pesos above.


New blog layout! Thanks to Hazel who kindly did the HTML encoding as well as the navigational thingy. :D

Sunday, December 18, 2005


7 days before Jonathan Trager (John Cusack) and Sara Thomas (Kate Beckinsale) finally experience the magic of Serendipity


They say that EQ or emotional quotient is a far greater deal important in contrast to a person's IQ or intelligence quotient, which is weighted often in one's academic achievements. (Click on this link to learn one's EQ - mine's 114, strongest suit is emotional management) The success of a person lies primarily on one's ability to adjust accordingly to specific environments, according to my previous readings. This lies in lieu with one's parents' parenting techniques. Parents' actions, as common knowledge would dictate, defines a child's reaction to particular stimuli.

This morning, I've been reading one of my mom's current buys, a book by John and Linda Friel called "The Seven Worst Things Parents Do". (For those interested in knowing the seven items on the list, check this link.)

It's quite an educational book, although most of the information are common in many how-to-parent books I've read so far. But I keep one thing in mind, which I guess applies to virtually every aspect of one's life, I cannot recall where I got this quote but it makes sense - When I had no children, I had ten theories on raising them. Now I have ten children, and no theories left.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Please Give Santa His Cheque

Christmas Countdown:
11 more days before Michael Keaton becomes Daddy Jack Frost


I got this game from one of my dear high school friends. Sound effects do help the trick, especially when they're earphones plugged in your ears. All I can say is, initally after this hand steadiness test, my hands still hasn't stopped shaking.


Finally, I have completed the final examination for this hectic week and am now experiencing the well-deserved vacation which will be spent completing superfluous tasks which have been put off far too long - among which, is to organize my study desk. It's so unkempt that my mother warns me often that it gives my grandmother a headache seeing it - I must be considerate of others.


Christmas is coming how joyful it will be, the family will gather round the Christmas tree, with silver tinsel shining bright the room is all aglow, there's a kiss for you and me beneath the mistletoe.

One thing my mom dislikes about me is my at times cynical nature. For one thing, I've associated Santa Clause as the mascot of consumerism - it is he who is effectively propagating the gift-giving agenda, present in most of the billboards - how can anyone not relate Santa Claus to capitalism? He does have the factory with hundreds of elves building, creating and preparing gifts all year round - Marxism! The overbearing burgeouise hidden in a bright red robe and a jingly jolly cap with his army of elf-slaves out to give the world's good children some special delivery made-in-the-North-Pole toys in exchange for the young innocents' piece in the establishment of peace and goodwill in the globe? Is that not the same as a form of conditioning - bribery in fact?

It is also brought upon my consideration that the figure of Santa Clause is, aside from its more religious roots as the famous Saint Nicholas who gave generously to needy children, a notion which capitalists - as I believe - have adopted in order to further their sales in the light of gift-giving - twisted cunningly and subtly to somehow relay their purpose of influencing an expanse in consumerism. By somehow imposing, or in more reasonable terms - conditioning people to believe Christmas is the season of sharing, it has evolved primarily as the season to buy in order to give. Although not all are financially challenged/ desperate enough to grasp the fact that gift-giving does not revolve on the quantity nor the tagprice of the gift, but of the quality of the heart of its giver.

I have experienced giving gifts without the expression nor the purpose of love, perhaps then my mind had but the aims of pride else vanity - and it shames me to think that the gift, either appreciated or not, has somehow lost an intimate part of its meaning and purpose because of my selfishness. I have experienced the lost of Christmas to consumerism, my Christmas - a time when family should be united, solemnly thankful that they are together - not competing intensely who has received more, nor just simply abiding by Christmas itineraries and traditions, nor the ego-centric act of personally getting one's share of presents and going back to seclusion to open them.

Give me back the meaning of Christmas.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Encore Ancora

12 days before Ebenezer Scrooge is visited by the three nosy ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Yet to Come.


Just surfing people's blogs when I saw my friend, Hazel's blog entry with this game!

*** Play the game first, before reading...

My Comments and Critisms: PG-13. It's one sick fucked up game. (look who's talking!) Extremely morbid really, but the first few trials are very amusing. Boredom kind of strikes when you have grasped completely the concept and the idea simply repeats itself into a form of mass killing with the same formula. (Killing is much more interesting you see, when there's variety - and the victim does not give himself to your disposal as willingly.) See the decapitated penguin head rocket high in the sky with a train of "solidified" blood trailing not far behind! Warning - the laws of physics does not apply as rigidly in this game. I guess, the creator of the said game is trying hard to impress upon the gamers the "cute" fun of violence with a distastefully exagerated use of blood (how much blood could one tinie tiny penguin head have). Save the penguin advocates are surely gonna yeti batter this guy!

My highest score is 1020.9 pts. Beat that! And to think I am listening to a soothing Il Divo CD right now. Isabel si te vas tu Dios se enfadara no dejes que este amor muera asi Llorare lloraras sufriendo en soledad vuelve a mi yo te hare feliz Isabel


Il Divo is out with their new album, Ancora, showcasing their version The Christmas Classic O Holy Night, as well as Spanish versions of The Righteous Brothers' Unchained Melodys, Mariah Carey's Hero, and Celine Dion's All By Myself! Not to mention, a duet with the international diva herself in I Believe In You.

The four brilliant pop/opera crossover singers, Carlos (he's cute!), David, Sebastien and Urs has once again come up with another must-buy album which could make any decent girl drool over their expressive voices and their i-could-just-fall-in-love selection of songs. Although I do attest that they kind of overdid a couple of high notes, a bit too loud for my taste, it still does not affect the fact that their sounds are nothing like the Charlotte Church belted out songs which gave me a headache listening to it. Beautiful CD, beautiful guys who have backgrounds in famous operas and plays as Les Miserables (Carlos, I remember watching him in one of the Les Miserables DVDs my dad bought me). I really should buy their first CD, ehem ehem - as my Christmas gift anyone? It's worth adding to one's collection. I'm classical music lover, what can I do?

Monday, December 12, 2005

Symbolically Literal

13 days before The Night Santa Went Crazy bwahaha


I have been attempting to read the books I've been engrossed with in High School, unfortunately the Sidney Sheldon hardbounds and Dean Koontz paperbacks no longer pose as much as an enjoyment as it used it. It became such light reads that I cannot draw the same excitement as I used to - feeling it shallow. Perhaps my current exposure to mature classical literary monsters could be pointed as a root cause of such a change in heart. I've found little amusement in the common words and uninspired language that transpire between characters of such fast paced novels - somehow I am craving for heavier readings with symbolisms and hidden agendas. I am seeking for books which are leaning more on the classical style of writing - elaborate details, intense expressions, weighty words all tied together in such a beautiful package with subtle hints of how each event could be given a different perspective.


After reading so many books, watching so many movies in my lifetime, I am sure we've been exposed to so many symbolisms that we are acquainted what each is supposed to mean. Example - the last petals of a rose falls off/a hand falling off the bed = death of the person, a mother dropping a vase while her son is off somewhere = something happened to the son, two characters of the opposite sex meet in a room then suddenly the focus becomes the rain pattering outside or the loud pounding drums of the parade downstairs = oh, i don't think I'd have to elaborate on this. Being so constantly used, could we even consider these symbolisms as they are?

Considering such actions are already easily connected to their supposed meanings, could these symbolisms be taken "literally"? A particular number of idioms used to be events in history which supposed to bear particular meanings until used so constantly that they become everyday words. Couldn't these overused "symbolisms" be the same, that when used in a story, they could already translate to its audience literally what is transpiring without the author directly saying so nor the reader/audience to invest much thought into understanding its supposed content? Is this reflection making any sensible effect?


I found this site which supplements my details about Liza Dalby and her book, Tale of Murasaki in my Shocked Culture entry. Wala lang. Random information.

Sunday, December 11, 2005

Don't Go Breaking My Heart

14 days prior to the sad discovery that Grandma Got Ran Over By A Reindeer
Aaahh! Christmas lights and decors all over the house!


Pavoritti is going to Taiwan to perform according to Chinese news! Tickets is 17,000 pesos.. (while in Hongkong it'll cost 10,000 HK money = 70,000 pesos!) One day.. My performances will cost that much as well.. the dream of a cantatrice.


Yesterday was spent with my mom in World Trade Center bargain hunting and expending over 6 thousand pesos worth of gifts (for both herself and others).

My job? Point out interesting things which are often the ones she buys. Love the Egyptian perfume holders and papyrus drawing.

What did I buy? wrapping papers, a candle holder and hair accessories from Divisoria (since I had to wait for my mom's party to finish in CKSC before we went to WTC).

Best thing that happened - mom also bought the gifts I wanted to buy for my siblings:(We went to SM after WTC)

(1)The latest Harry Potter book - Harry Potter and The Half Blood Prince

For my Harry Potter fanatic brother who was too frugal, waiting for the release of the paperback cover version of the book. National Bookstore is selling it for 808 Php with two Harry Potter wrappers.

(2) The Chicken Little OST

(I'm disappointed, the song It's Tricky is not included in the album!) - she bought this for herself - Don't Go Breaking My... Don't Go Breaking My.. I won't go breaking your heart!

- It's so fun to buy things for people when you don't have to use your own money! haha I still have some more gifts to buy, but the major presents have already been bought and wrapped. Mom's not going to fund for these gifts though.


Heard this song in a bar with my high school friends. It has this light feel to it - that according to a guy I spoke with it works well as a morning yoga song! But of course to those who knows me better, the title is catchy by itself.

DJ Mystic - Naked and Sacred

When I'm with you,
I feel naked and sacred.
And this world can be so cold.
I wanna hold you naked
and sacred till I grow old.

What does love mean?
Can love last?
I ask myself these questions,
haunted by the past.
I've walked these city streets.
I've known victories and defeat.
Searching, hoping, just barely coping.
Baby I wanna be good for you.
I wanna be true.
Don't know how I'd live with myself,
if I ever hurt you.

When I'm with you,
I feel naked and sacred.
And this world can be so cold.
I wanna hold you naked
and sacred till I grow old.

Since I met you.
My life's changed.
I feel like a bird,
that's been let out of it's cage.
Baby I wanna be good for you,
I wanna be true.
Don't know how I'd live with myself,
if I ever hurt you.

When I'm with you,
I feel naked and sacred.
And this world can be so cold.
I wanna hold you naked
and sacred till I grow old.

Saturday, December 10, 2005

Swimmers in Our Genetic Pool

15 more days before Nicholas Cage becomes the Family Man


Last Thursday, I slept at 6 am and woke up 2 hours later. Yes, its the week before finals and cramming is once again the prevalent trend. I had at last learned to create a presentable powerpoint with the new features for animation, entailed when one installs a Windows Xp software. It took me at least 7 hours to complete the slideshow and perhaps another hour to edit (change the colors, pictures, add couple more slides, etc.)

Checklist then was - paper for relstri (abortion), transcription of December 6, 2005 interview with Mr. Rafael "Apa" Ongpin (news anchor) for society class and powerpoint presentation with the proposed budget/topsheet all due on Friday. What did people in my family say? a.) I was chatting with my boyfriend (which was dismissed easily due to insufficient proof), b.) I was a crammer, c.) I should sleep else I begin having a pimple breakout or worsen my health, d.) sleep only when feel like it - to be taken in small doses throughout the day. (Thank God I finished all the requirements by Friday)

Special thanks to Marie and Elaine for helping me in the transcription, my brother for being so lenient in allowing me to use the laptop and bring it to school, Marie_obsessivecompulsive for being truly obsessive compulsive with regards to our powerpoint presentation, and to myself for not giving up no matter how tired I was! hahaha


December 8 was Marie's birthday - she sent me Misua at home which intrigued the people in the household. It was also my grandfather's Chinese birthday. We had dinner at Yuujin, a Japanese resto that is also a residence (well looks like it) at Wilson's street. Food was so-so, appetizer was shrimp heads(?, according to my aunt) but I was stuffed full because my parents were seated on the other table allowing me the liberty to order all I like - california maki, tamago sushi, miso soup, unagi, Japanese beans (not sure what this is called), chicken teriyaki ju, tempura ice cream.. heaven!

P.s. I know where I'm supposed to sit next time.. guess who had the most pictures that night!? Obvious bang wala pa akong tulog?

Warning: pictures below!

My grandmother and me - embodying the Asian culture - check out our costumes!
(blur, i know)

Me and supposed twin - notice the difference. Although my dad insists that we both look like Abby, the Ugly Duckling.

According to folks, I look like my aunt too, who got her looks from my gramps.

Attack of the grandchildren

All in the family!

Okay - got carried away. I guess, one thing members in my family have in common is the passion for anything Asian, obsessed with the beauty of Asian cultures - heck, my aunts got married with Chinese themed gowns. Why can't people just appreciate the same?

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Social Drinking

17 days before Jack Pumpkin tries to take over Christmas!


Yesterday, Marie took me to visit Ben in Starbucks. Not being a coffee enthusiast, I have to admit that it took me a while before I could swallow the idea that I was really going to buy coffee on that particular day. My previous encounters with the drink were not as fulfilling as to be worth remembering - in fact most of the time I recall drinking coffee, I remember more prominently the nausea which I experience. I hate it when I indulge into something terribly sweet - although the first few bites may seem indulging, too much of the stuff would really cause me to be bitter. Today, I willingly spend money for coffee.. Is that supposed to be an achievement?

It feels unusally awkward to have a friend serve you - call your name like you're just one of the institution's customers. Drinking something which is technically done unlike the ideal - self made love products - doing things from the heart rather than just for pay. Practically speaking, nobody would survive in the competitve market with such a philosophy.


For some reason, I usually experience a "sugar-rush-like" mode whenever I didn't have sufficient sleep the night before. Today, I was more noisy compared to my usual boisterous self. I made fun of people without shame - I took dares without considering consequences - lack of sleep perhaps affects the lucidity of thought that badly that my rationality seems to have disintegrated into nothingness for a temporary period. What did I do? I called to a basketball star player who I don't know. I became a kleptomaniac, hiding Marie's phone, hoping she'd freak out and I'd ride along with the whole panic state before returning the stolen merchandise. I was more bold in speaking with the ladies in stores - as in the girls in Starbucks where Ben works, made fun of him, had intentions of making a really big scene at the place by "accidentally" spilling my coffee, which I later reconsidered doing, asked Ben if I could go to Starbucks with an IOU, and was obscenely loud that I would have been extraordinarily embarassed should I be a passerby witnessing a lunatic perform the feats I've been doing. Thank God I can pretend its the sugar overdose of that crappy Creme Brulee grande frapuccino - at least I could pretend to think that it has served me well since I finished the shitty powerpoint presentation at three in the morning without any supplements as dinner, water or at least a candy to sip on.

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Let's Talk About Sex

18 more days before Arnold Schwarzengger remembers to buy his son a gift in Jingle All The Way


Angelina, how could you do this to me? According to the DJ on 97.1, Brad Pitt has officially adopted Angelina Jolie's two children. Their prenuptial agreement has already been settled and they are already preparing to be wed soon. I guess Mr. and Mrs. Smith are becoming Mr. and Mrs. Pitt.

It's strange why the current trend in marriage involves a prenuptial agreement wherein conditions are drawn out to soften the blow should the marital relationship fail to flourish and later disintegrate into a faint memory of an ex-partner. Although many reason that it is a practical thing to do, having a sense of foresight should the union not meet its expected bliss and turn sour, I beg to differ since rather than being too hung up on the potential downfalls and having a means of escape with compensation, why not simply deal with the issues at hand - know your partner, know why you love him and stick with the decision (fuck that till death do us part line, a prenuptial agreement completely voids that vow). If they truly love each other, then such an agreement should be discarded - consider the fact that one has already designed a fall back should there be complications in the marriage, that divorce would seem such a convenient way to deal with problems, rather than resolving it through understanding and compromise - where is the willingness to sacrifice when there is already a ready escape.


Today is the last day of my Tuesday-Thursday classes for the term and more importantly, for the year 2005. The day proved to be tiring; I was practically late for all my classes. For Relstri I had to wait for the end of the class in order to be able to make up for the group recitations my teacher organized before I came in. The questions at hand were about sexuality and thus compared to my classmates who read the whole article our teacher handed out when the class begun without me, I just stupidly sketched on my notebook, waiting for my turn to be called.

When asked about human sexuality and whether it is merely a bodily function, I replied although not with these words but with these ideas: "Human sexuality defines a person's being, it is not limited to one's gender, nor does it pertain to lust -but more so, sexuality is a person's, regardless of age or sex, capacity to love and give love. Sex is not evil, in fact it is a gift from God, sharing his procreative powers with man. Sex is a union of two people for the higher cause of aiding God in the creation of mankind, without such a purpose, sex is simply lust. Lust on the other hand is evil, for it degrades the power of love, it demeans the creative gift of God, it belittles the sanctity of the union, for in lust one does not see the glory of the union, instead one only wants to satisfy a selfish desire, which is in no manner a neccesity in living. By acting upon lust, one does not exhibit any form of respect for one's partner, and thus completely destroys the august nature and symbolism which the sexual act is meant to represent. Sex is limited to married couples, particularly on the premise that sex must be an act of love, similarly that God created mankind because of love. Matrimony is sacred because it is the union between two people with the blessings of God, with a mission to continue fulfilling the project God had started in the creation of man. To love is to give one's complete being - body, mind and soul; therefore, it would be completely impossible give one's all should there be any other parties involved. Rape is a defilement on the beauty of sex, due to the fact that it is imposed against the will of the other - as mentioned earlier, without respect and purpose and love, such a union is blasphemous to God's gift, and to God himself who somehow represents such a divine act." Bow!

Sunday, December 04, 2005


21 days to go before Santa gives Peter, Susan and Lucy their presents - to help them defeat the White Witch.


I've been going through the deviations in deviant art and couldn't help but feel small. The works I've been viewing were remarkable and so fabulous that I doubt I could ever produce anything of such caliber within the expanse of this current lifetime. One particular work, which I added to my favorites is this. The lighting was contributory to the whole feel of the picture. I "Love" it. Although it does tend to have a rather lustful connotation.

Speaking of artworks, at last, my mom did praise one of my projects. Okay, I know I have an insatiable need for appreciation and attention, though I may not show it. (Thinking about it, its my being a loner and non conformist that marks me as a person and thus I am given attention by acting like I don't want attention, although at times I may be boisterous as hell!)

My sister, still in elementary, had to make a tag with the words "Speak to me in English". Being already possessed with many other tasks as tutoring (unproductively) my sister with her English subjects, my mother assigned me to do the card. My first attempt was, in my opinion, simple but eye catching. It does not scream "ouch my eye!" though. In fact, I like it, especially the fact that I cut my thumb while making it. (Never imagined. I demanded for a band-aid since I can't work with blood running down my thumb, even so, the wound made its presence felt whenever I try to apply pressure during the completion of the project)

The teacher, on the other hand, critisized it to be bigger than she wanted - which triggered a series of insults from my mom to somehow take back the compliments she gave it earlier. Thus, I was "requested" to make a new one - this time, I made sure I ask the size they wanted (since they did not give any specifications the first time). Covered the cardboard (already cut in the desirable size) with black construction paper then made a border of pink (one of my sister's favorite color) circles made from puncher punch-outs. The text was cut out individually (per word, unlike the first one which was per letter) and pasted on yellow construction paper, glued in the center of the whole thing. My mom liked it when I presented it to her - saying its cute. I wonder how long this compliment would last.

(I admit that I tend to work outside the stupid limitations that my sister's teachers give. That's why whenever they leave her project to me, my sister often wakes me up early in the morning crying because she believed that her teacher would reprimand her because of my need to incorporate identity in the project - where's the creativity and individualism that school is supposed to inculcate in its students?)


While thinking about my personality, I fear that I've inherited a great deal of my father's traits. I'm often the deliquent child among my three other siblings - often being the one to receive special conditions and treatments, extra advantages and attention from my grandparents. Perhaps that is the more tangible reasons why there is an evident gap between me and my siblings although we do get along fine. I cannot really say what divides us, but they seem more tolerant and disciplined compared to me. I am more free spirited and unreserved - knowing I could get away quite easily with the defense of my grandparents being the last words against the seemingly endless chatter of my mother.

My brothers and sister are more flexible with their time - they wake up when called, respond when spoken to, are caring and loving and blindly obedient to my mother - while I tend to question demands and consider options and alternatives. Thus perhaps in my difference from my siblings, I am treated differently and thus perhaps this is how I molded how I am to live my life. By continually being deviant from the normal society, unintentionally or intentionally, I am detering from normal treatments from people, somehow demanding something more or less.

Consequently though, my unconformity has made me into a dependent individual - as much as I'd like to think otherwise. Considering that I rely particulary on the sympathy of the people around me, I became unproductive and unusually useless to the needs of others. I am therefore selfish and self-centered because I act only in my own time and volition. In this revelation, I do believe there is hope for me yet, should my pride not get in the way (I mean, when mom sees me doing an effort she does tend to associate it with "whoring" myself - act for a payment, or exaggerates it to a point that my efforts are made into jokes), I can mend my ways. I am still young, must be humble, must be able to cope, must be patient, must be pure, must learn how to shut up - heck, "we all want to be saints, not martyrs" (The Last Don, Mario Puzo)

Saturday, December 03, 2005


22 Days before Macaulay Culkin gets left Home Alone.


The supposed sleepover/ Fatal Frame III experience last night was unfortunately cancelled and moved to today. Unfortunately, due to the restrictions being enforced upon me by my parents, I felt it wise not to take the risk of endangering the current positive relationship I am having with them. Pushing them to the limits may put me in an undesirable situation as I have experienced a few months earlier with the dragon boat episode.

In order to compensate for the fact that I would not get to experience the nerve wrecking anticipation and excited screaming of playing the playstation game as I had intended, I decided to watch The Exorcism of Emily Rose by myself in the dark. It was not as scary as I had hoped, but it did wake my interest in the spiritual realm of religion. Questioning really, how is my relationship with my God?

I remember answering one of my damn philosophy majoring classmates in Religion Three when he insisted that the father of the prodigal son was stupid for accepting his rebellious boy. I argued that according to our previous lessons, the call of discipleship requires detachment, not only from materialism, but also to our own personal emotions. By complaining that the father was foolish, he failed to detach himself from the personal pain/hatred thus cannot say that he is exhibiting a good example of discipleship. The teacher agreed with me which rendered him speechless. He deserved it.


The outreach today was tiring. I had to find a way to soothe a crying kid who happens to act really spoiled. Later on, the child reciprocated my efforts and thus had neccessitated me to continue entertaining him. I carried the child back and forth, occasionally changing the way I was carrying him, as one of my orgmates mentioned, "ang likot niya, parang unggoy".


Watching Mrs. Doubtfire right now. Wicked, wicked, wicked! Fantastic really, Robin Williams did a fantastic job of role switching, I wonder what my dad looks like in Mrs. Doubtfire garb. The thought is repulsive.

Friday, December 02, 2005

Gossip Laden

23 days before Santa realizes that there's more to Rudolf than just a runny nose.

Nick and Jessica Simpson finally split up! After three years of "marital bliss", they came to a "mutual decision" to break from their vows, confessing through their PRs that they still have "admiration and respect" for each other despite their choice. Whatever! Thank God, the world is a lot better place - one mushy crappy couple less.


Did you know that December, according to posters stuck on LaSallian pillars, is Sex Education Month? No wonder my friend pulled me away when I was attempting to read one of them.


I can't wait! Fatal Frame III at Ben Ching's house later - with all the lights out! We'll survive, hopefully!

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Happy Worlds Aids Day

Christmas Countdown:
24 days to go before Tim Allen becomes Santa Claus.


This is one really stupid activity. I received this site from a guy in Friendster. (I've been receiving all kinds of messages from guys eversince I changed my picture) What is funny though is that while engaging myself in the said endeavor, I wanted to play the role of a rather unconventional teenager who wants to act intellectual, so began inputing uncommonly thought of words as "enterprising", "obsessive", "communal" and "vague". When it wove my "love story" it was such a joke coupled by its rather unflattering use of the English language, that it took me a second or two to realize how hilarious it was meant to be. Still, try it out, be a victim as I was - its not that bad.


Yesterday, after close to five months of no cable television, I was able to watch television again, without the luxury of a remote control though. While skimming through the channels, I can't imagine why I ended watching "Moms" from QTV when there were obviously alot of other more pleasant alternatives. They were letting mothers air out their concerns regarding forgiveness and their hardships for their offsprings. I can't believe that I ended up weeping by the end of the segment - I'm never gonna watch that show again, I swear! So, after channel surfing, I decided to stick to one channel - the SEA games with two Filipinos playing against two Thailanders in a game of 9 Ball. Now, that's entertainment!