Friday, March 31, 2006

It's A Real Shitty Day

According to Murphy's Law, "Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong. "
(A Communication Arts Rule - otherwise saying "Be prepared.")


(a) I have less than 3 hours sleep.

(b) Our laptop got wrecked thanks to somebody's carelessness.. (and all my files and assignments due next week - which took me over a week to complete - are all there.. with no back-up)

(c) I have a serious business debt payable today, and the guy who owes me hasn't paid me on time. How the hell am I to handle this?

(d) Video shooting for both Video Production and Litelec (Literature Elective)

(e) Video production actors are still to be coordinated.

(f) No cellular phone load and I have to contact my groupmate since I am the one to pass our Marketing Research paper.

(g) All internet servers in our university were either full or are not functional this morning.

(h) *really personal problem*

Fucked up day! Fold...

Thursday, March 30, 2006

Homos and Sex

Title has no relation to the concept of Brokeback Mountain ---> Which I still haven't watched! :(

Today feels like another "too normal to be normal" day. There's barely anything exciting or fulfilling or noteworthy occuring, which usually puts a cherry on my day. Except for my spur of the moment purchase of bond papers and onion skins to make myself a sketch pad, its an utterly boring, typical day.

I've been, though, for the past few days, ripping in my WMP a list of "gay" songs, from Madonna singles as Material Girl, RuPaul and Martha Wash's version of It's Raining Men, Cher's Shoop Shoop Song, Annie Lennox' No More I Love You's and many others. I guess, I can't live without music, even though people may look at me and find me in a funny sort of light.

My friend, Jourdy, and I having nothing decent to do but laze about, even if it's finals week, have also been compiling songs with explicit sexual contents, although we're already running short of songs.. Among them are Khia's My Neck My Back, Divinyls' Pleasure and Pain, also their controversial I Touch Myself, LFO's I Will Show You Mine and Silk's Freak Me.

Anybody wants to give us more songs to check out and compile?


Katrina may actually be a spider-human hybrid



Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Final Fantasy XXX

Ben burned me a copy of this video last year since he knew I absolutely adored it.

For non-rock fanatics, please be warned that the video contains hard-core screaming! But let us not forget that the visuals are rather appealing. Yes, from PS games Final Fantasy 8, 9 and 10.

System of A Down - Chopsuey

For Final Fantasy lovers, according to Jourdy, Final Fantasy XII will be out soon!
Check out the trailer... Oohh.. Bunny girls..
The feel is so Star Wars-ish

Bad Start

The day started out pretty bad. I woke up at 7.15 today. The first thought that came to mind was my 8.00 mathematics class with a quiz I just have to pass. My mom used the car and the driver so I'd have to ride a community vehicle again. The university is roughly a 30 minute to an hour away. And to top matters, I totally forgot about the quiz and haven't studied yet!

Panic. Got dressed and was out of the house in 15 minutes flat.
Panic. Cross the street and wait for an FX taxi to pass by. Rush hour, damn it!
Panic. Found an FX, review my lessons inside the vehicle.
Panic. It's 5 minutes to 8.

I got to school by 8.10.
Found out that my professor arrived later than I did!

Monday, March 27, 2006

Miss Chinatown

This afternoon was interesting. On my way to school, I had to ride a megataxi FX since I woke up late. There's no traffic, thankfully, since our university is the only university that has classes up to now. The FX driver was very friendly and began asking me.

Driver - Koreana ba kayo? (Are you Korean?)
Me - Hindi po. (No, I'm not)
Driver - E hapon? (Japanese?)
Me - Hindi rin po. May halong Chinese lang ho ako. (No, I'm not. I'm just part Chinese)
Driver - Okay lang ba ang aircon? (Is the aircondition ok for you?)
Me - Oho. (Yes)
Driver - Init kasi dito sa Pilipinas, ganito rin ba sa bansa niyo? (It's so hot here in the Philippines, is it the same in your country?)
Me - Manong, Filipino po ako. (Sir, I'm Filipino.)
Driver - Ganun ba? Gano katagal na kayo dito? (Really? How long have you been living here)
Me - Dito ho ako ipinanganak. (I was born here.)
Driver - Kaya naman pala galing mo mag-Filipino. (Oh, that's why you can speak Filipino.)

Why does every other driver bus and FX driver mistaken me for a Korean or a Japanese or a Chinese foreigner!

Sunday, March 26, 2006

What She Wants...

Not being a fan of chick flicks, I couldn't believe how much I'd fall for Bridget Jones' second movie, Edge of Reason. It was ultimately sweet, at the same time, it feels like a partial reflection of who I am. She says the wrong things. Imperfect. Chubby. Paranoid. And yet, still deserves a romantic happy ending - walking in the cementary with her perfect guy, with snow falling on them.

She is the personification of every woman. She's real. She's me.

*Okay, so the wedding proposal was awful, but all else considered, the fact that Mark Darcy fought for her, loved her completely.. makes me wish.. somebody does really love me the same way.

"Art Is Choice..."

Even though its been over a day, I still couldn't get over the reply the speakers gave me to my query. There were five speakers who discussed about poetry and complexity. They mentioned that there is no such thing as a bad poem, only poorly written ones, yet a poem is still I poem.

From that arguement, I asked that since they also placed such emphasis on clarity, does the dada movement of approaching poetry be considered as poetry at all? There are in fact days when I get overwhelmed with so much randomness which feels so right within me that they don't seem to require any rearrangements, the problem is anyone who dares engage my work would fail to find any lucid interpretations as to what I am trying to communicate.

They answered my question by saying that the use of a movement or theory cannot "justify mediocrity". In fact, one of the speakers explained that if one would enter an art exhibit and find garbage bags thrown in a corner, it would easily be mistakened for trash, if not for a concept paper describing that such work is actually art. It's annoying, he commented.

Art is relative, there are no specified standards as to what art should be. I believe that the speaker should understand that in art - to each his own. You cannot please everyone. People respect his work, he should learn to respect other's works as well. Being too judgemental and closed minded is the not the way to go, especially for an artist.

Saturday, March 25, 2006

Convention of the Arts

Malate Literary Folio, the official literary folio of De LaSalle University, will be conducting a convention for the arts. It is a yearly activity wherein professionals specializing in the fields of Art, Photo, Prose and Poetry come together in one incredible event to share their knowledge and skills to young amateurs. Featuring well known poets and writers like Jun Cruz Reyes for prose, Allan Popa, Mabi David, Conchita Cruz, Rosmon Tuazon and Mesandel Virtusio Argulles for Poetry and speakers from the graphic design studios like Teamanila, Electrolychee, Everywhereweshoot, Inksurge and Collision Theory. In accordance with that, we would like to invite you to attend and experience the one day convention to be held on March 25, 2006 from 9:00am - 6:00pm at the Intellect Seminar Room at 1st floor Gokongwei Building. Your presence will be greatly appreciated! Thank You!

No entrance fee! Limited slots only. first come first serve
Lunch will be served.

Of course I couldn't resist an invite like that!....
I just went to an internet station to brag about that.. it's lunch break!

Want to see what our speakers came up with? Imagine they're just slightly older than I am!! Click on the names below to find out!


Their works are definite coolness!

Friday, March 24, 2006


Yesterday, I just found out that my university sent my dad a letter informing him that I've already accumulated 12.0 units of failure (equivalent to 4 subjects) in my whole 3 years stay. My grades are my own responsibility, and I would have appreciated it if they do not inform my parents immediately of its gravity since I believe I am still capable of redeeming myself and decreasing the said accumulation back to 6 units.

My dad blew his fuse yesterday, demanding that I present to him all my course cards. I managed to show him the ones I've sorted out, since some others were already lost. I did find that most of my grades were in the range of 4 (excellent), 3 (good) and 2.5 (fair). Hope that would somehow ease his anger. I also slept quite early yesterday to avoid any confrontations. I don't know how to dodge away from my dad through the weekend though.

Thursday, March 23, 2006

We Are Family!

Today is Marie's father's birthday and rather than going through our usual Pancakes Thursday, she brought Mi-Sua (noodles). Scrambled eggs, chicken, mushrooms, deep fried onions over noodles. I'm so full, and I still have enough for lunch! Yum Yum Yum!

The Pianist

Compare the goality of the moral acts of the ff. as “moral agents”:

Wladek’s actions in the earlier half of the movie proved to be inclined to conformity to the sudden shift in paradigm. He, despite many assaults against him and his kind, was resilient and strived to be peaceful in his endeavors. I believe his actions are aimed towards the hope that better times would come in the future and roughing it out at the present would be the best alternative to take. Later on, after the death of his family, Wladek’s actions proved to be more on personal survival. The gradual courage in finding means to avoid the inhumane offenses made by many German soldiers.

Jewish Chief

The Jewish Chief perhaps could be considered as the handful of Jews who believed that close relations or upholding the goals of the German soldiers would in some manner spare them the treachery that their other fellowmen would have to endure. Their actions may be leaning towards personal survival as well, by willingly dismissing their own personal beliefs in order to continue living without the difficulty others may have to experience. This is the more cowardly choice and in fact, more dishonorable, since one is willing to compromise one’s morality and convictions, not to mention the lives of your fellowmen (who stays firm with their own beliefs), for one’s own benefit.

German Soldiers
I cannot speak much about the stand of German soldiers, or much more what has been promised to them for their acts. In my opinion, the goal of the Germans may seem noble for their kin for they believe they are the superior race above every other, and that by removing other kinds, they may preserve further the sanctity of their kind. Although it may seem self-righteous, their actions towards the Jews were acts of severe inhumanity that such a claim of superiority could easily be questioned. Their goal, in conformity to the belief that they are of a higher status, cannot be justified - that they find pleasure in the persecution of lower classes, not to mention did they find their insensitivity to the value of life and utter disrespect towards others rights, bearable and tolerable.

What do you think is the “reason” for Wladek’s desire to move on in life?
In my opinion, it is innate for man to strive to live; Wladek has a reason why he believes he must survive and thus strives to do so. He still bears the will to continue his existence and thus finds means in order to do so. By giving up on life, it would seem that he has admitted his defeat – he would have not only let himself down, he would also have let his beliefs die with it. By giving up, it would reflect his total indifference to the massacre of the Germans because he has submitted to its demands by surrendering his greatest treasure – his life.

What is the moral purpose did the Germans serve in occupying Poland? What consequence did it create?
As I’ve mentioned earlier, the German’s occupation of Poland was directed mainly by their desire to cleanse the world of the inferior races – which in their opinion are the Jews. Their intention may seem moral in their subjective perspective, and thus allows them to be callous to the sufferings endured by the Jews. Their moral purpose may seem to be decent and righteous, in aiding the world to be populated by superhumans (which in their opinion are the Germans), and thus would uplift all of humanity. Unfortunately, the theory itself is laden with loopholes and their means in executing such an intention was brutal and inconsiderate. Their actions later magnified into mass killing without any mercy and thus decades after their occupation, it can be said that the Polish Jews are still of a weak and small population and are still in the process of recuperating from the intense cruelty they experienced in the hands of the Germans.

Was there any difference between German brutality and sheer indifference? Was Wladek indifferent?

There is a very minimal difference between brutality and indifference. Both acts are mere acts of indifference, except one exhibits action while the other exhibits voluntary ignorance. Indifference could be considered as lack of interest, not to mention apathy to the concerns and pains of one’s fellowmen – which in my opinion, was not exhibited by the acclaimed pianist. Wladek, in my opinion, was not indifferent, although at times he may fall into doubt to the success of his post, he cannot be labeled as indifferent since he did try his best to survive and strived hard to survive, which is by itself, one way of rebelling against the wishes of the German’s. His actions, though not of significant magnitude proves still that there is hope even in the bleakest of moments.

"There are places I remember all my life..."

There are several events in my life that has molded me into the person I am now. Mistakes that I've committed, which gave me lessons that are not taught in schools. People that I've talked to, who shared with me their wisdom and knowledge. Friends, who influence me and encourage me to be the best I can be.

Among all of them, one of the most significant people in my life is my great grandmother, Dorothy. Every Sunday, we used to visit her humble house standing in an area near Banawe. Most of her children are married and have flown abroad, and she was often left alone with my grand aunts or the maids.

Her room was small and shady. In the middle of it, was her bed with its white sheets and floral printed pillowcases. She was aged and bedridden, although I didn't find it strange since I thought most old people liked to rest and lie in bed. My mother, being her favorite grandchild, would greet her with a gentle kiss on her cheek and would ask me to do the same.

After a lengthy conversation, my mother would leave me in her company for half an hour or so. At first, I was unsure how or what to do, until she called me by her side and telling me all sorts of fun stories. As we got to know each other better, we became more open and expressive of our personal ideas and thoughts. And slowly a bond developed between us.

When I was younger, my grandmother would sing Chinese songs to put me to sleep. In time, I've learned their tune and lyrics and being the "family singer", who never hesitates to perform in front of an audience, was asked to sing her a song. I stood proudly in front and began to belt out a familiar song with my tiny voice. She smiled and clapped loudly as I ended it and we were happy. This was how we spent our Sundays, in each others company, talking about school, laughing at jokes and singing songs we know.

One day, she asked me to sing with her our favorite song called "Mei Hwa". It is a Chinese song about China's national flower saying that it special, because unlike most flowers, it blooms only during wintertime. As I sang, she joined in and our voices seemed to blend as one. And when we exchanged goodbyes, I never thought that these would be the last words I'll ever hear from her lips and that we were to be torn apart...forever.

I was shocked when I found out she had passed away and that I will never see her again. My mother told me that due to her obsessive smoking of cigarettes, she developed lung cancer that was so severe; it cannot be cured. Although my mother tried to explain the situation to me as simple as she can, it still seemed too hard to swallow, too complex to understand, too painful to accept for I was only a five year old child then.

I wasn't allowed to attend the funeral, but I was able to watch it on tape. And that was my first heartbreak, and my first encounter with death.

I've learned how short life is and how time flies with winged feet and can never be retrieved. Because of this, I felt a need to do my best in my daily activities, regardless whether it is following an errand or passing a school project. I also became aware of the importance of our health in our lives. Promising myself that I will avoid any obsession that can endanger me or my family and friends. Lastly, but surely not least, this experience has become an eye opener to me of the existence of death and the eternal paradise it bridges. I am hopeful that when my life expires, I would be reunited with her soul in heaven, and together, we would sing hymns praising Our Heavenly Father.

*I've been cleaning up my computer files, when I came upon this essay. It was my essay I used to apply for Ateneo de Manila University, when I was in fourth year high. The question that I was to answer involves the significant event/person in my life and how much did that person affect me. I cannot really say how truthful this essay is, but it seemed good enough to make my mom cry.

** In addition to the three things I pointed out to have learned, I would like to add now, that life is short, and relationships are fragile. I've begun to appreciate that we should never take anyone for granted, for regret often follows - time, love and affections poorly spent and wasted.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Reflections of A Communication Arts Major

I've never been a fan of teeny-bopper magazines with prepped up youngsters on the front covers wearing the latest threads in fashion. With oh-my-golly headlines like "The Latest Summer Must-Haves", "Confessions of A Fashionista", and articles like "How to get your guy to look at you", "How to catch the guy of your dreams" and all such junk.

How to catch the guy of your dreams? These are the kinds of stuff that gets girls all googly-eyed and breathless over the magazine pages. Everybody dreams of getting a chance with their ideal guy, of course - the standards tend to be similar in most cases. To high school girls, catching the guy of the dreams seems not only as a I-found-the-guy-of-my-life, but also defines a specific status for them.

First and foremost, why do girls have to change themselves in order to please a guy? Wouldn't that in any manner bias his views towards the girl? He could not really relate to her for who she really is because she reconfigured her personality and thoughts to fit into his (take into consideration Julia Roberts in Runaway Bride)? In fact, do these articles even work? Second, why are we hurrying people to get linked to persons of the opposite sex at so young an age? These relationships will come in due time.

By committing to a relationship at a tender age, it does tend to limit one's acquaintances and friends to that of the partner's since mingling with other people of the opposite sex would mean taking a risk of potential cheating. Considering that at such an age one is not yet mature enough to handle the situation, and would break up, doesn't that in any manner leave the person with less peers to run to?

With teenagers buying these magazines, their beliefs are somehow being boxed into thinking that life is all about make-up, fashion and boys. Although there are occasional educational tips, the whole make-up of the magazine is laden with creating girls that would fit into the typical mold of a doll. Is this what we want? Where is the freedom to be ourselves, to experiment and live life?

Magazines, television, these mediums are being used in order to define the particular lifestyle the capitalists wants the readers/viewers to take into consideration. Nobody really cares if you have dark or light skin, until some lotion company decides to publish advertisements saying that having whiter skin makes one more beautiful. Without these advertisements, there would be less discontent among people.

Reminding Me of My Childhood

Last Tuesday, my groupmates and I shot the second sequence in our final project. By the middle of the night, I was too tired to function properly, and thank goodness that my dad opted to bring me home by midnight rather than allow me to sleep over my groupmate's house. I know it's like running away from responsibility, and yet it seems like a great weight off my chest.

Before we left to shoot, one of our actors, Carlos took us to his house. We were to wait for his driver to finish eating so he can drive us to our shooting site. While waiting, we watched the new season of Power Rangers. It's been a while since I last took patience to view that show that it felt awfully awkward watching it again! They changed the whole concept of Power Rangers, making them into an exaggerated fusion of Harry Potter and Lord of The Rings. By the time we reached the car, my groupmates were commenting that they prefer Captain Planet and the Planeteers over the new batch of Power Rangers... heck, we were even singing their theme songs!



I'm such a nosy girl. I was in my aunt's room a couple of days ago caring for my grandmother, when I found a tupperware full of pictures. I took the opportunity to rummage through the printed images and found many of my childhood pictures! Best of all - I found a picture of me and my first ever crush.. holding hands, walking down the aisle.. flower girl and my escort! Wahooey.. If only he's not my cousin, he's still that cute and he doesn't have an attitude problem! haha :) We're so cute!

Sunday, March 19, 2006

Let's Get Fit

Coca Cola is opening the summer today!

equated often with beach and road trips, bikini show-offs and hot bodies.

I've been watching home shopping... fine! tele-marketed products, and one of them happens to be a complete set of Mari Winsor's "Winsor Pilates" vcds with necessary work-out items for less than 2 thousand pesos. It's said to be a tried and tested program, used by many Hollywood stars as Elizabeth Berkley, Minnie Driver and Danny Glover.

So wanna sculpt those abs and firm up those thighs? Check this site out!

I'm INTP...

Jourdan gave me a link to test my personality. I have noticed the change in my personality since I used to be an ENTP. Mom has called me a chameleon, since I change my personality depending often with the company I'm with. Those who are interested in taking the test, click here for the link.

Want to know what an INTP person is like? Click here...

How about relationship-wise? Click here here...

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Wink Wink

Guys all dressed up and singing are such a turn-on! haha...

Il Divo's version of Toni Braxton's Unbreak my Heart.
Bravo Carlos!

Those Were The Days, My Friend

Today is the last day of classes for my siblings. After today, our university (which is Trimester) will be the only institution in my knowledge, to have regular classes until April. And how I envy my little bros and sis as they'll be spending the succeeding days lazing about the house, watching television without any holding concerns or responsibilities aside from the worry that their report cards may not be uniform with just black or blue ink as they expect (*the teacher uses red ink for failed subjects).

Young carefree days. As I mature into adulthood, I am experiencing less and less of these unrestricted, unobserved, unjudged days. As I integrate myself into society, I subject myself to worry, to conformity, to decency. The small habits that are easily justified due to lack of age or experience, could no longer be ignored in my case. I am of legal age, and therefore my actions, though intended or not, would always be attributed to me. As I strive to gain further independence, equally, I gain the burden of responsibility and expectations. As we strip ourselves from childishness and ignorance, we take into ourselves the weights of the world and put into mind that we can no longer lavish ourselves with selfishness because there is a bigger picture that has to be attended to first.

Some say that ignorance is bliss, for it is innocent - as children are. While to others knowledge is power, wherein the business world demands ones who are versed with information.

As we proceed into becoming the future of our generation, we hold bigger tasks that could no longer be pointed to other people. And although I see such vivacious actions from some of my peers, I fear that I am still too raw to be ready to face the world, the society. Why is it that most of my peers seem ripe and prepared, while I, despite my efforts, could still feel my uselessness? What could I possibly offer but illegitimate criticisms and pessimistic rantings?

To Critisize is A Sin

At the rate I'm going, I feel like I'll be having a libel suit by the end of the week.

Damn, I should learn to keep things to myself and shut up!

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

What Happened?

Finished shooting sequence four of our video project. Although one of my groupmates backed out last minute this morning, the lender of the dolly, Niro lights and tripod insisted to give them only by 9.30 am, all of the actors came in late, and my other groupmate wanted to change the storyboard... The shoot went fine, and was done before 12 noon. I just hope that editing it would be as easy as I had planned it.


Jourdan gave me the CD with compilations of Il Divo, Enya, etc. songs with a couple of banned commercials and music video he's sure I'd love. Special song included.. Glen Lewis' Fall Again from the soundtrack of Maid In Manhattan. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Summah's Juz Around d' Cornah

Online Enrollment. Accomplished.

Connection fair. Next term's schedule terrible.

Graduation? Expected to be a minimum of a year from next term. Hopefully.

Summer Plans:
--- Puerto Galera with high school peers
--- Summer classes for Finance 1 and Religion 4
--- Scriptwriting seminar
--- Photo shooting crazy

*Any other suggestions?

Monday, March 13, 2006


My butt hurts.

After drawing and redrawing the storyboard for my video production class.
After tallying 40 survey questions, transfering them into tables, copy-pasting, writing and editing grammar and composition of interpretations.
After checking out recipes onlines for my collection. (which I am going to retype and format to later print and bookbind)
After redoing my schedule for next term since most of the classes I want are closed, and my online enrollment is still tomorrow.

I need to rest my eyes...

Sunday, March 12, 2006

Friendship SOS

Yesterday, Jourdan and I went to Starbucks in Banawe. It was a spur of the moment adventure for the both of us and I am grateful that he spared me the difficulty of having to ask for my mom's permission to go and visit Ben. Although it was part of our agenda, I had to front that it was a casual outing with my friends since I am aware of her swaying regards towards Ben after he handed me the book, "The Dark Side of Catholicism" for my birthday.

There had been several attempts to go but it is only but now that we found the conviction to actually fulfill our intention. Jourdan fetched me at home since I felt it was not a completely good idea if I'd wait in our rendezvous alone, knowing fully that Ben would be there. After not seeing or speaking decently with him for a while, I felt it awfully awkward in both our parts to play out as if nothing had ever occurred between us in the past.

There had been unsaid circumstances in which I found Ben to be cold and unfeeling towards me, ignoring my complete existence as to deny me consolable replies while gleefully giving favorable responses to my other peers. I had expressed to him my concern and care once, together with some other friend, only not to be acknowledged for it, while the other found a very fulfilling answer. These occurrences are gradually increasing, that I find it weighing me down.

When we arrived in Starbucks, he greeted Jourdan. And despite my effort to give a smile, I felt unnoticed. I feel that the duration of the meeting was a two-man conversation - either Jourdan and me speaking or Ben and Jourdan conversing. Although Ben did try to strike some small chit chat with me, I couldn't help but act equally detached from him. I had brought with me my Video Production storyboard to keep me engaged for I had somehow anticipated that such a situation is not far from materializing.

Things could not be the same as the way it was before.

When Jourdan and I left, I couldn't help but feel intense dismay of what had just transpired. There had been many points in their conversation that he was hinting some hostility towards me or my actions before and the aftereffects of that decision. I complained and ranted to Jourdan so much that day that I felt I overabused his willingness to be a friendly ear to my problems.

I am worried for Ben and I were close relations before, and now, it feels that the friendship is at the brink of being dismissible. Is it not possible that some "friends" are dispensable too? They come only at one portion of your life, make you feel that such a moment would never end, and then would later just disappear as shadows in one's memories?

Friday, March 10, 2006

University Politics

I've spent almost half the night thinking whether or not I am to exercise my student's right to vote for a specific line-up. I have realized that despite how much I would complain, we would always require leaders, and not everyone is brave enough nor competent enough to make a stand and decide to take into oneself that awesome responsibility. Another consideration that I find important is the need of the student body to find a defined voice, which could only be managed if one courageous soul would dare stand in that pedestal to represent it, understanding that this action may create positive and negative reactions that would stick to his name for the rest of his term, and perhaps even longer.

Our university has two camps of ideals - the radicals and the conventionals. These two parties have been in existence for a very long time in our university's history, each sticking firmly to their own rather extremist beliefs. The radicals propose the revisement of the ID policy, the abolishment of the dress code, the editting of the attendance regulations; the conventionals, on the other hand, propose "back to basics" platforms.

As much as I'd like to invest in either one of the two parties, I believe that I am not easily swayed to conform in such drastic sentiments. I am in favor of the changes and improvements both parties have to offer and thus I cannot completely commit myself to a singular propaganda.

I would like to complain though that I feel these candidates are merely pawns.. dispensable puppets being used by each party to uphold their goals. They come and go, and every year there are always new candidates willing to try their luck in becoming respected student leaders representing either one of the two political parties. (Rare are the strong hearted independent candidates.) These individuals will invest their time, money and effort in the service of their respective groups, which have contributed generously to aid them to get in position, and perhaps act, based on their camp ideals, and not primarily of their own free discourse or conviction.

Another factor I'd like to venture upon is their truest intents, although nobody, especially politicians, could be completely transparent. Is their innermost purpose in line with humbly and whole heartedly serving the student populace, or is it perhaps directed towards their own personal gratification and fame?

I am not an insider in these camps and therefore have no factual basis for the details I've just mentioned. I would just like to give light to some of my concerns regarding the politics that is happening in our university. Perhaps some may share my thoughts, perhaps I am being too prejudiced towards their genuine intentions to help, or perhaps I am saying something no one dares to admit

Thursday, March 09, 2006

Vote For Me

It's campaign week, the two organizations in our campus are showcasing their cream of crop choices for the next batch of leaders in our student council. Some are even my blockmates back in 1st year. People who snob me before, smile and talk to me, act real friendly. People who I am aware to be calling me names at my back are now approaching me with enthusiastic waves and are trying to stick a bunch of bullshit up my ass! Hypocrites!.. That's what politics is all about, hypocrisy. The typical average leech who sticks to you when they need something.

The two parties are literally everywhere spreading their paraphernalias with their photoshop faces and exaggerated qualifications. Both using intense information dissemination strategies to gain our attentions. Rallies. Tarpaulins with thier proud little snotty faces printed calling forth "change" and "improvements", while similar candidates came before them and have failed to facilitate the student actions they used in their platforms. Rehearsed presentations in every class, each candidate mechanically moving and talking pretty little words.. but what do they mean???

When I was a freshman, I'd care, but now, it feels entirely a waste of my time. They keep introducing student-involvement and my question.. What student involvement, if we don't actually care the fuck you are and the fuck you do? Don't focus on superficial outside school activities, help the needy foundations, etc., which are sure-fire prep-up-your-resume achievements.. if you really want student involvement, focus first on how to get us to care for your ideals! After that your socio-civic endeavors would mean more to the university community as it does to you.


I do have friends involved in these campaigns. It's not that I call all of them blood sucking parasites, but sometimes we have to get real - so far I've heard practically idealistic rantings which I doubt would be able to find any materialization or consideration (from either the top offices or from simply the student body) at the least.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Unneccesarily Complicated

God! Our university wants us to change our My.Lasalle passwords to avoid it getting hacked. Problem is, they placed too many guidelines that I feel I won't even remember my password after I'd input it. I can't seem to be able to think of any satisfactory password - that would give me a good memory recall.

Here are the rules:

Password should comply with the following rules:
- It should be at least eight (8) characters long. It is best for it to be 15 characters long. This will be the new minimum password length in the future.

- It should not contain a part (at least 3 chars in sequence) of the user name and full name.

- It should contain upper-case and lower-case letters.

- It must have at least one numeric and special character. Special characters are symbols found on the keyboard which are not defined as letters or numerals . These are ` ~ ! @ # $ % ^ & * ( ) _ + - = { } [ ] \ : " ; ' < > ? , . /

- It must not contain spaces.

Damn, how they complicate my life!! Help me think of a good password!

Classic Horror

Dracula has been called one of the most terrifying monsters in classical literature. His image haunted the minds of audiences for years, even materializing himself in the form of movies as the handsome blood thirsty count out to enslave beautiful women and drain them of their life source.

Written by Bram Stoker, Dracula has assumed three different roles in the minds of critics - as the blood-hungry devil, as man's suppressed libido (in favor for the facade of dignity and refineness), and as the corruptor of races. I've read the foreword of the enriched version of the book and was immediately excited to get on with the real text, finding much interesting symbolisms and depth based on the foreword's praise.

Unfortunately, when I began reading, I found Jonathan Harker's journal dragging and far from feasible. He writes constantly, and yet to write requires much time, which at the time of his writing were often impalapable. And yet, giving that the benefit of the doubt, his fears failed to manifest itself to me as gravely as he finds them disturbing. And yet, I persevered reading despite that torture.

When I got to Mina's correspondence with her friend, Lucy, I was further thrown into boredom as their letters were filled by useless gossips and blotted tears for unanswered suitors. I could not bear the slow unrevealing pace any longer. It was horrible. I wonder perhaps in later years, my mind may mature and I may undertake this project again, as of the moment, their shallowness is beyond my tolerance.


Yesterday, I received my quizzes from my Mathan1 class. 2 more flunked quizzes. I haven't passed any as of now, and its already past midterm. Panic panic panic! When I compared answers with my classmates, I was dismayed.

I had the correct answers, with all the wrong formats. I wrote the whole word "true" rather than just the letter "T" as the instructions stated out! Damn! and its 2 points each...

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Johari Window

To my friends who took some time to answer my johari window, thank you very much... or maybe I just made a complete pest out of myself, which drove you to answer it. Anyways, thank you.

It seems though that I practically got almost every item on the list, and so far, nobody's discerning that I'm a shy type of person. I wonder why.. :D


(known to self and others)

Blind Spot

(known only to others)

able, accepting, adaptable, bold, brave, calm, caring, cheerful, complex, confident, dependable, dignified, energetic, extroverted, friendly, happy, helpful, idealistic, independent, ingenious, intelligent, introverted, kind, knowledgeable, logical, loving, mature, organised, patient, powerful, proud, quiet, reflective, relaxed, religious, searching, self-assertive, self-conscious, sensible, sentimental, silly, spontaneous, sympathetic, trustworthy, warm, wise, witty


(known only to self)


(known to nobody)

clever, giving, modest, nervous, observant, responsive, shy, tense

All Percentages

able (3%) accepting (7%) adaptable (7%) bold (18%) brave (7%) calm (3%) caring (14%) cheerful (22%) clever (0%) complex (14%) confident (14%) dependable (11%) dignified (3%) energetic (25%) extroverted (11%) friendly (44%) giving (0%) happy (14%) helpful (7%) idealistic (11%) independent (29%) ingenious (3%) intelligent (14%) introverted (3%) kind (22%) knowledgeable (7%) logical (7%) loving (22%) mature (7%) modest (0%) nervous (0%) observant (0%) organised (11%) patient (7%) powerful (7%) proud (3%) quiet (3%) reflective (7%) relaxed (3%) religious (18%) responsive (0%) searching (7%) self-assertive (7%) self-conscious (3%) sensible (11%) sentimental (22%) shy (0%) silly (14%) spontaneous (22%) sympathetic (7%) tense (0%) trustworthy (7%) warm (14%) wise (7%) witty (11%)

Created by the Interactive Johari Window on 16.3.2006, using data from 27 respondents.
You can make your own Johari Window, or view Kescolar's full data.

Monday, March 06, 2006

Chauvinism!!! I Hate Being A Rib!

For this term, I am expected to sell 25 thousand worth of products. I've succeeded in selling past the quota by mid-February and I'm beginnning to get tired of going to places and persuading people to consider purchasing the products I'm selling. I've even reached companies which surprisingly is owned by one of my classmates in the same class. His father was kind enough to allow me to talk to the employees of the office during lunch hours, and from there did I get a sufficient portion of my sales.

Last night, my mom and brother accompanied me to kuya Andy's apartment, my middleman, who helps me get people interested in the wares I sell. His room is on the second floor of a karaoke bar in our barangay. After we made the business transactions and inventory check, mom nagged that she still has tons of papers to do at home, which cut the visit short. On the way home, mom scolded me.

She was aware that I come often to Andy's apartment to conduct business, but she did not anticipate me to be alone with him in his room. Considering the wild scenario on the first floor, I am scolded for putting myself in such a compromising situation. In my mind, I was thinking, "If you won't help me do business, I need people to help me.", but instead, I nodded and let her jabber on. When we got home, she had to inform my dad, who burst into a fury forbidding me to go back to that place. "You're a girl, not a boy." Damn.. Chauvinism....

What is Regret?

Ahhh.. I just ran out of Kissables! (They're "candy-coated mini kisses" chocolates) I was munching on them for breakfast.. wahhh.... no more chocolates in our refrigerator!

Currently listening to: Divinyls - I Touch Myself


I feel sucky today. My friend sent me a quote which sent me thinking...
"1 night, a girl visited her boyfriend, it was his birthday. She baked a cake for him with a candle at the center. She light the candle and said, "make a wish", the guy closed his eyes and tears started running down. When he opened his eyes, she asked him, "what did you wish for?" he replied, "Freedom from a girl whom I never loved even from the start.""

One of my guy friends was sharing with me that he just broke up with his girlfriend, but never felt any substantial regret since he never really did "feel" for the girl, in the first place. Hello? Why get into a relationship if you're not really serious? I cannot generalize this to all guys, but the thought that someone could act so sweet towards a girl while truly being emotionally lukewarm is sad. Don't your conscience ever bother you?

Guys? Wanna shed me some light??

Saturday, March 04, 2006

Not Again!?

This morning is the first time I used my newly-repaired SLR (with film and batt). I intended to shoot around the house so that if there are any complications, the damage in my emotional artistry would not be so heavy. True enough, by the time the counter reached 20 shots, the camera experienced problems moving the film - i think there's a problem with the sprockets.

Rewinding the film proved to be another obstacle since the camera won't do it. I went to a dark bathroom and wound the film there. I guess, I'd have to go back to Canon Center to file my complaint... Arrgh Thank God there's a three month-warranty after repair.

But if some of the shots turned out good after I wash and develop 'em, maybe I can post some here...

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Thursday Routine

Every Thursday, I join Marie in going to school 630 am.

Every Thursday, by 7 am, we would be in McDonald's ordering a two-piece pancake meal with hot chocolate and a hashbrown, additional pancake syrup, a glass of ice and water.

Every Thursday, once the food gets on the table, we sort them out one by one until each item is in their rightful place.

Every Thursday, we eat our pancakes the same way as we do the several other Thursdays before!

We have established a routine! We just noticed this morning!
So organized.. just to eat!

True Colors

Yesterday I had learned of a grave secret, one which has been kept from my knowledge for the past 8 months, despite my many attempts to gain knowledge of it. I was often denied the priviledge of learning the truth; instead, I have been gaining but falsehoods and lies. That secret encompassed and influenced more than half of my previous relationship's percentage. I am sorely disappointed with myself for dwelling too much on my emotions, that I have failed to observe my own personal standards and taboos - which Ben reminded me often before. I wish I had not been so blind and stupid as to have been victim to such a farce. And although the confessor admitted his intentions pure, I cannot help but feel the weight of the confession upon my chest. Even until today, I still cannot believe how I have willingly submitted myself to be an instrument to such a masquerade.

All I want right now is honesty.

I don't want any more lies.

I'm sick of all these masks and fools and fallacies.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Draw Me A Boyfriend!

After not watching television for a while. I am appalled!

Tommy Pickles has a girlfriend.. And he's just 11! (Rugrats All Grown Up)

Ginger Foutley is so over Sasha, is now a bit older and is so into her boyfriend, Darren! Kiss here and kiss there!? (As Told By Ginger)

Kim Possible and Ron Stoppable kissed!? What's next? (Kim Possible)

Why does it seem that every cartoon now a boyfriend or a girlfriend!!! Damn it....

Life is Unfair

Last night I dremt of Ben, a similar dream to what I had of Jourdan a couple of weeks before. I guess its just a mental manifestation of feelings long buried in my subconcious mind, dismissed after almost a year of disuse - and yet it returns with vengence in my dreams, while I play an almost helpless role in the whole sequence of events. Sometimes I believe these dreams are testing me - these are what I'd like to baptize as "dreams of tolerance".

It's been over a month since Ben and I last spoke with each other, and still I can sense part of his bitterness towards me. He had been an extremely dear friend to me that it grieves me to find him firm in his decision to avoid me for the meantime. He contacted me a few days ago, mysteriously informed of my break-up, which surprised me a lot. With that small act, I had hoped to rekindle the lustre of friendship before and yet he denied me that pleasure for he still needs to nurse his esteem back to health. Esteem which I find to be the gap that is keeping us drifting away from each other.

He needed time and space, and although I would really appreciate his presence now in my time of despair, I believe that his decision is the best drug for the both of us at the moment. I had to take in consideration his feelings too, not only my own selfish whims - for I complained "how long does this have to go on, until we both forget that we were ever friends?", but I take comfort in his words, "I can't act what I don't feel.. but do know that you're a friend that I consider one of my greatest because I know that you genuinely care.. Acting out a farce would only bring more complications."

To Ben... If you ever get the chance to read this....

As we grow older, we learn that even that one person who's not supposed to let us down would probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and its harder everytime. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your loved one. You'll blame a new love for the things the old one did. You'll cry cause time is passing too fast and you'll eventually lose someone you love.

So take many photos, laugh like never before, love like you've never been hurt, cause every 60 seconds you spend upset, is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.